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Meg's Blog

Corona Princess Diaries Day 7

Hello, everybody! I hope you’re all staying safe and healthy during this difficult time.

Entries from Princess Mia Thermopolis of Genovia’s diary* have fallen into my hands, and as the princess’s royal biographer, it’s my duty to share them with you!

*Please keep in mind that as with any diary, the princess is only recording her thoughts at the given moment, and has had no copy editing. Also, both the princess and I are aware that this is a serious and rapidly developing crisis. 

I would like to thank health care workers, first responders, and everyone else out there working to keep us healthy, safe, and fed right now.  If you’d like to help people who are in need during this crisis, I suggest supporting your local food bank. Find one here.

And if you like to read, please support your local indie bookstore (many will deliver books to your home during this crazy time) by ordering them here at BookStoreLink.

I hope you enjoy this seventh FREE installment of The Princess Diaries – Quarantine Edition.

 

 

– Royal Bedroom –

 

I did my own hair and makeup for my televised address to the nation, giving them the news that we have our first official case of the virus.

 

Michael watched it and said (via FaceTime from self-isolation) that I looked great. Which is lovely, but he has to say that, since we’re married.

 

Paolo was not so complimentary. I just got the following voicemail from him:

 

Principessa, why you go on the television and you do not call me, Paolo? You hair, it look no good! So many roots, and the split ends! You make Paolo look bad! Next time you call me, I do not care about the germs. Ciao.”

 

Paolo isn’t the only one who’s mad. I also announced a shelter-at-home order because too many Genovians have been going out. Obviously not to bars or restaurants, since those are all closed, but to have picnics at the beach—even though the beaches are closed—and especially onto their yachts to have extremely large parties – including hopping from boat to boat – without practicing any social distancing at all!

 

Do people think that because they’re out on the water, the virus goes away? IT DOES NOT.

 

I understand that people still want to have fun, in spite of the virus, but can’t they do it AT HOME and IN SMALL GROUPS?

 

What choice did they leave us, but to issue the stay-at-home order?

 

Honestly, I don’t know what they were expecting.  They can complain all they want about this being a “nanny” state, but I am only thinking of their own health and safety.

 

Besides which, Genovia could never be a “nanny” state. It is obviously a “princess” state.

 

I think I did a pretty good of illustrating this during in my address, especially during the hand-washing directive. All Genovians must wash their hands AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE (and take their RINGS OFF, or they will develop a rash. Not that this has happened to me. OK, it has) for 20 seconds, or the time it takes to sing to themselves the entirety of the Genovian national anthem.

 

Because so many Genovians do not seem to know the national anthem, I had my film crew air it during my address, so everyone could be sure to get the words right.

 

But unfortunately because we were working with a skeleton crew due to the virus, and also keeping a six foot distance from one another, and no one thought to check one another’s work, what aired during my national address was this footage from one of the unauthorized bio-pics of my life:

 

So everyone got to see a video of the glamorous actress who plays me in the unauthorized movies of my life, right alongside me, in my pandemic hair.

 

Oh, well, whatever. I’ve decided I like my pandemic hair. It’s a look I might keep forever, along with my pandemic yoga pants, extra snuggly overlarge sweater, and Birkenstocks, which I now wear all day long (except when doing formal addresses to the nation and virtual meetings, during which I swap out the sweater for a more princessy look on top).

 

Why did we as a society even bother to dress up before? I do understand it for balls and more formal occasions, but If you think about it, it makes no sense the rest of the time to worry so much about how we look. What is even the point?

 

Although I can’t say I’m entirely thrilled by the beard I can see that Michael is growing. I’ll have to wait until I can touch it before I make my final decision.

 

Oh! The day I finally get to touch Michael again! Only . . . how many more days? Seven? Can that even be right?

 

Wait . . .why is my ex-nemesis Lana Weinberger calling me?

 

***

 

Come back tomorrow for another entry of The Corona Princess Diaries

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