Corona Princess Diaries Day 12
Hello, everybody! I hope you’re all still staying safe and healthy during this difficult time.
Entries from Princess Mia Thermopolis of Genovia’s diary* have fallen into my hands, and as the princess’s royal biographer, it’s my duty to share them with you!
*Please keep in mind that as with any diary, the princess is only recording her thoughts at the given moment, and has had no copy editing. Also, both the princess and I are aware that this is a serious and rapidly developing crisis.
I would like to thank health care workers, first responders, and everyone else out there working to keep us healthy, safe, and fed right now. If you’d like to help people who are in need during this crisis, I suggest supporting your local food bank. Find one here.
And if you like to read, please support your local indie bookstore (many will deliver books to your home) by ordering them here at BookStoreLink.
I hope you enjoy this twelfth FREE installment of The Princess Diaries – Quarantine Edition.
– Royal Bedroom –
Something good at last! We appear to have got into some kind of a routine here at the palace (at least most of us).
–Michael is working remotely from self-isolation with a team that is trying to come up with a rapid antibody test. That way we’ll know if people have already had the virus, and could be immune!
–The school finally got the “Distance Learning” program underway, and Olivia and Rocky have been at their computers all day, attending “class.” Once we got all the snags worked out – and there were a LOT. I never thought I would have to use the FOIL method again, but here it is, only they don’t call it that anymore, at least not in Genovia – it has been blessed silence ever since! For now.
–Mom’s teaching the twins to fingerpaint. “They really are quite talented, Mia,” she told me this afternoon. “Especially Frank. He might be another Banksy!” (Note to self: Not sure this is a good thing.)
–Even Dad has found a meaningful way to spend his time: he is over at the summer palace, supervising the construction crew there. Construction is considered an essential service, and residents are allowed to leave their homes for purposes of work if they wear a mask. I’m counting supervision of a home renovation as work, even if the home is a castle. Interesting that all it took was a pandemic and being trapped at home all day with his extended family and no nannies or housekeepers to get Dad motivated to finish construction on his home.
–Lilly is working on the case that’s been filed against me by the Genovian Hotel and Restaurant Association for shutting down the country. She says I’m a lock to win. I really want to believe her.
–Grandmere is self-isolating on a lounge chair on the far side of the pool, closest to where Derek is living. She’s wearing nothing but a maillot and working through her second case of wine. It’s not MY wine though and I can’t hear her, so I don’t care.
All this has left me free to finally get back to work!
Today I decided to tackle my mail, since I’ve ordered my personal assistant to work from home for her own safety.
But she can’t very well open my mail from home.
After cracking open a bottle of pinot (one should never approach the mail these days sober), I carefully donned rubber gloves, then wiped down each envelope with Clorox wipes before slitting it open with my healing quartz encrusted letter opener (a wedding gift from Gwyneth Paltrow).
Then, still using my gloves and wearing my face mask (an Hermes scarf because of course we don’t have any real face masks—they’ve all gone to the hospital for the doctors and nurses to use while examining patients complaining of Covid symptoms), I began to read:
To Her Royal Highness, Princess Amelia Mignonette Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo:
My parents were intending to throw me a graduation party at the Royal Genovian Yacht Club in May. Do you know if Genovia will still be shut down in May? If not, could you please open the country back up by May 19 so that I can have my graduation party?
If not, will you make sure that my parents receive a full refund of their $500 deposit? I would like to use it on beauty products.
Yours very sincerely,
Ashley (Last name withheld for security reasons)
Ha! Why, no, Ashley, Genovia will not in any way be affected by COVID-19 in May. Just because Italy, the country next door to us, was the epicenter of the pandemic in Europe, is no reason to think that there’s any possibility that your graduation party should be affected.
I can understand her disappointment, but what are people thinking? I’m only a princess, not a fortune teller! Not even epidemiologists who have been working in this field for years and years know when this pandemic is going to end.
But I will have my assistant write Ashley a polite reply informing her that a refund will be issued to her in the event that her party has to be cancelled, and also send her a pear and olive oil gift basket as a token of my regret for her unfortunate circumstances.
Dear Cousin Mia,
It is I, Ivan, wondering if it is not time to put all of this silliness behind us. Yes, I know you are angry with me because I kept my many profitable bars open in secret after your lockdown order.
But I am a businessman. This is what I do! It is why I am so successful.
And as a businessman, I feel that it is my duty to inform you that NOW is the time to re-open the country. We have had only one positive case of the virus! Obviously we have beaten this terrible disease! It is a miracle.
Now do the right thing for all of Genovia, and RE-OPEN THE COUNTRY.
Count Ivan Renaldo
Ha. HA HA HA HA!
I have to laugh, because if I don’t, I’ll cry. Also, I had to open another bottle of wine because Olivia just came in here and asked me to explain the Pythagorean theorem, so everything seems particular hilarious.
A miracle! HA! It isn’t a MIRACLE that we’ve only had one case of the virus. IT’S BECAUSE OF THE LOCKDOWN and everyone staying home and out of his “many profitable bars!”
I’m having my assistant craft a brief response, simply saying “No.”
And he is NOT getting a gift basket.
Dear Princess Mia,
Hello. You do not know me. We have never met. I am a mother who lives in America.
But I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the kindness that you have shown my son, Chad (name withheld for reasons of security). He is the Covid patient currently hospitalized in your country.
I don’t know how to express my gratitude for the care you and the people of Genovia, particularly the doctors, nurses, and other hospital workers there, have shown him.
Mostly, it has made me think that the term “social distancing” is so grossly inaccurate. Even though we are so very far away from each other, I have never known such social warmth!
I think that many of us in the last month have experienced incredible “social” connection like we’ve never had before. From Zoom business and social meetings to people just picking up the phone and reaching out to someone they haven’t spoken to in a very long time to people like you, who have shown such kindness to a person you don’t even know, who isn’t even a citizen of your country—strangers simply being generous and supportive to one another in a time of great personal need.
Maybe the phrase shouldn’t be “social distancing” at all, but “physical distancing,” because that seems more accurate to me. We are more “social” than ever, while keeping “physically” distant.
Words are important, and so are people. ONE WORD, just like ONE PERSON, can change the world . . . and you have changed ours for the better forever. Thank you, thank you, thank you for physically distancing while not social distancing!
Linda (Last Name Withheld For Reasons of Security)
Aw! Chad’s mom, Linda! I love her! I really do! It’s not the wine, either – I truly love her!
I’m going to have my assistant send Linda TEN gift baskets (although it might be difficult to get them through Customs).
Maybe I should make her a duchess, instead? Duchess Linda has a nice ring to it!
Because she’s right: “Physical distancing” sounds much better—and is more accurate—than “social distancing.” It’s what we’re all doing, while staying “socially” closer than ever.
I’m going to have my media team implement it immediately into all of Genovia’s Corona messaging!
Oh—I hear the babies crying. Fingerpaint time must be over. More wine – I mean, more later!
Two days until Michael is out!
More entries from The Corona Princess Diaries coming as soon as Meg can decipher Mia’s handwriting!