I finally saw the movie of The Watchmen!
I’d tried to read the graphic novel, but somehow I could never finish it. I have no idea why. The book has everything…sex, naked people, romance, sex, mystery, pirates (there were no pirates in the movie)!
I think I got bogged down with the pirates.
So I was excited to watch the movie and see how it all turned out…also to see if the big naked blue guy ever put on any pants.
He did, but only briefly. He found them binding, I guess. I know the feeling, especially after all that leftover Halloween candy.
Like the book, the movie is a little intense. It takes place in this wacky alt universe where Richard Nixon is still our president and we won Vietnam (because of the huge naked blue guy. Although his nakedness wasn’t at all sexy like in Beowulf. Maybe because he was blue).
The most annoying thing I found about this alternative reality was that people still play Simon and Garfunkel a lot.
I could take the Nixon stuff and the big blue naked man. But Simon and Garfunkel? Really?
Now, I did have a Paul Simon-related trauma, so maybe I’m prejudiced…in 1991, when Paul played for free in Central Park in front of 600,000 people, my friend had a panic attack on the Great Lawn, because there were so…many…people. And I couldn’t get her out of there. We were jammed in like sardines.
Eventually she just lay down in the dirt in a fetal position and cried softly while Paul sang “Diamonds on the Souls of her Shoes” until eventually the crackheads stopped yelling at us for money, and we could finally crawl through all the garbage back to the subway.
But seriously. It was a nightmare.
So I will admit I’m biased, and that whenever I hear a Paul Simon song now, I raise my fists to the air and shake them and scream, “WHY, PAUL SIMON??? WHY?????”
Paul Simon’s ex-wife, who now has her own book and one-woman show, Wishful Drinking.
So, yes, I found the music in The Watchmen…annoying.
But even more annoying, seriously, what was this?
No way would a woman go out fighting crime with her hair down! I’m a fan of The Police Women of Broward County, and this just isn’t happening! I could totally hear my mother screaming, “Pull your hair back, honey! It’s in your eyes!”
Plus, who could run in those heels? I’ll admit, it looks hot.
But her thighs are totally unprotected between her latex leotard and her boots. No.
But still, with those exceptions, I enjoyed The Watchmen, and give it two tiaras.
What I find most shocking about all of this is that Paul Simon didn’t write this Princess Leia tribute song:
Sadly, it’s not in The Watchmen. But if it had been, it would have been a whole lot better, if you ask me: