Tori Spelling Headed to Rehab!
Or at least that’s what it said on the cover of the Star Magazine that I snagged on my way out of CVS yesterday. Tori eats only 130 calories a day, you know.
Then when I got home and read the article, I found out the Star came by their math from Tori’s book, Mommywood, where Tori said sometimes she snags the leftovers off her kid’s plate, grabbing a French fry or a piece of broccoli (caloric intake: 130) as a snack.
Hello! How is that reporting?
And okay, knowing Hollywood, I fully expect that by the time this post goes up, Tori will have checked into rehab.
Then the story went on to say how Tori and Dean are in couple’s therapy because Liam likes Dean more than he likes her (a fact Tori says in her book).
And then there were all these quotes from people who were at Tori’s book release party for Mommywood, who said Tori looked “tense” and that Dean drank two Stolis on the rocks and stood around not speaking to Tori.
They don’t look very tense to me!
I can’t believe it! That’s how these magazines come by their news? This isn’t news! It was all in Tori’s new book!
And she isn’t going to rehab! The magazine just speculates that she MIGHT someday.
I feel totally ripped off. I want my $1.98 (or whatever) back!
I’m totally embarrassed that I bought this magazine (because I saw the headline, and I thought, “Oh no! Tori? Rehab? I must know!” Because, you see, I worry. About Tori. And also the state of Mia Farrow’s hunger strike for Darfur).
Anyway, is my face red!
Actually my face is red because as I mentioned on my Twitter page, I have a have an alarming new disfiguring ailment, perioral dermatitis, caused by rosacea!
So now I’m on megadoses of tetracycline—which was why I was in CVS in the first place, where I was lured into buying the Star—which I used to be on in high school when the stage makeup from the musicals I was in would make me break out.
Which reminds me:
Oh my God special extended version of GLEE promo!!!!! (PS I am crying through my pancake makeup right now.)
All of this tabloid stuff and mommy stuff and disfiguring facial rash stuff actually fits right in with the theme of my book that’s out TODAY (aka Being Nikki) because Em Watts (whom you should know by now has had her brain wrongfully transplanted into teen supermodel Nikki Howard’s body)
1) knows what it’s like to have everyone staring at you (hi, rosacea/perioral dermatitis—me, not her) going, “What’s up with HER?”
2) has a mother who’s mysteriously gone missing and feels like its her job to find her (it’s Nikki Howard’s mother, not really hers, but whatever), and has to enlist help doing so from some unlikely people (such as, the guy she was in love with all through middle school, who, sadly, is in love with a dead girl), and
3) is constantly in the tabloids, with people writing totally made up stuff about her.
The above picture has nothing to do with Being Nikki, I just had jeans exactly like this in 1984. Everything 80s is coming back. I’m so excited.
And those are just the reviews people have forwarded to me! Here’s a completely cute Guide to Meg Cabot books (in case you know someone who doesn’t know where to start! I know there are a lot of books) that I discovered through one of the over 5,000 people I follow on Twitter! She’s so cute (although all the people I follow on Twitter are)!
And Queen of Babble Gets Hitched (in paperback now!) won Best Chick Lit of the Year on RomRevToday.com! How fun!
OK, now, let’s get serious:
Without further ado…the first in a series of videos I did last time I was in New York City, taking readers on a tour of some of the actual settings in Airhead and Being Nikki!
This one can be found on La Guardia and Bleecker Street in Greenwich Village (thus the statue of Mayor La Guardia), right off Washington Square Park (behind the NYU Library).
My Polish friends say it looks a bit Polish…and it sort of does!
Stay tuned for more videos from my NYC tour from Being Nikki all this week!
And Tori, don’t let the magazines get you down!
PS Michele is just saying NO to bangs. Thanks for your help!