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I’m finally back in Key West after nearly a month of book touring, and boy, is everyone glad to see me…in fact, someone had to have a couple of time outs in the laundry room when they got too out of hand with the affectionate greetings.

I meant the cat, not He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog! Geesh.

HWSNBITB says Henrietta is saying, “And then, on September 18th, he gave me chicken Fancy Feast. And then, on September 19th, he gave me trout Fancy Feast. And then, on September 20th, he gave me chicken Fancy Feast again, and I was so mad! And then–”

Which you so know is pretty much all cats would say if they could talk. Or at least all Henrietta is trying to say, I’m pretty sure.

I experienced Extreme Travel during my trip home: a three hour plane ride from Bangkok to Hong Kong, then a fifteen hour plane ride from Hong Kong to New York, and then another four hour plane ride from New York to Miami, and then another forty minute ride from Miami to Key West…again not counting the hours in between flights, and of course all those two hour “security” check-ins. In all I think it took 24 hours of plane travel to get back, not counting all the time between planes (but I did get to see some pretty good movies. Don’t Mess With the Zohan? I loved it!).

Obviously I didn’t do all that flying in one or even two days. I stopped over in NYC for an extra night or two (although I was so jet-lagged I actually couldn’t tell if it was day or night). I owe thank yous to my friend Jennifer B and also to Michele Jaffe and Jen Sturman for taking me out to meals and helping me look for Tori Spelling’s autobiography, which is the only reading material I’m in a fit mental state to handle at the moment. The print is so big! And the words are so small!

About the book I can only say, So dishy! And now I know the true story of what went on with Tori’s mom—like how she wouldn’t pay for a bunch of stuff at Tori’s first wedding she said she’d pay for, and Tori had to pay thousands of dollars herself—stuff she wouldn’t have ordered if she’d known she’d have had to pay for it herself. Love it.

Actually, I am truly shocked over the amount of news I missed while I was gone. And I’m not talking election stuff either (but in case anyone missed this, here it is. YIKES. This is why I really have to support the other guy, in case I’m ever in that horrible position–unlikely I know considering I only have one ovary and endometriosis. But hey, it could happen, and if not to me, then to women I love).

But I actually mean stuff like–Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds, married already? David Duchovny and Tea Leoni, divorcing? A recession, after the amount of money I spent in my jet lagged haze, trying to do my patriotic duty to build consumer confidence during my layover in New York City? Has the world gone mad?

(OK, actually, I don’t blame Tea, but poor Alanis….)

Well, whatever. At least some things are still relatively normal: Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman are back together. My current favorite TV shows (The Office, How I Met Your Mother, Dexter, Entourage, Gossip Girl, Intervention, and Bones) are all back with new episodes that HWSNBNITB kindly recorded for me. Now if I can just stay awake long enough to watch them….

One horrible thing I realized during all those plane rides: the Vaseline is not working. My neck creping is out of control.

And it is not just noticeable in airplane mirrors now but compact mirrors as well. Honestly it’s really bad. I called my dermatologist because I need more than just Vaseline, I need some acid peels or something, but he can’t see me for a month or more because he’s so busy with people with skin cancer.

So the point is, if you are looking for a good line of work to go into, try dermatology. You will always be in demand.

Seriously, though, I had a great time on my tour, and I owe a big thank you to everyone who came out to show their support for me at the bookshops, as well as to everyone else I met along the way! It will be a while before I’m able to wade through all the emails, letters, business cards, gifts, etc, I received along the way, but I really hope to get back to everyone.

In the meantime, I hope a general thank you will suffice. THANK YOU!

…and heartfelt apologies to everyone to whom I owe correspondence! I swear I will be getting back to you all very soon. Right after I have a little nap…

…if Henrietta will shut up long enough to let me sleep. Otherwise one of us is going to get locked in the laundry room again, and it’s not going to be me.

“And then, on October 10th, he gave me chicken Fancy Feast, and then, on October 11th, he gave me trout Fancy Feast, and then…”

More later.

Much love,

Meg

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