He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog has kidnapped me and taken me to his lair in an attempt to alleviate some of my stress.
Although I don’t see how this is supposed to work, since his lair is in the woods, and there are ticks here. Also, his mother.
In any case, on the way to his lair, although he tried to deprive me of access to all media outlets lest they add to my stress, it came to my attention that there are other bloggers out there who have been getting free stuff in exchange for blogging about them.
I would just like to point out that I have never gotten anything in exchange for blogging about it. I was not, until recently, even aware that this practice existed.
But it turns out some of my fellow bloggers have apparently been getting showered—and I mean showered—with free screening DVDs, beauty products, and even laptop computers in return for saying nice stuff about these things. Whereas I have gotten bupkis (translation: zero) all these years for saying I like Flight of the Conchords, Cetaphil, and Mac powerbooks.
Where, I would like to know, are my advance pre-screening DVDs of the new fall shows, Chuck or Reaper? Where, I wonder, is my awesome pearl pink taser (which by the way I so totally could use, because the Key West cops have been tasering violent drunks and sex offenders in my neighborhood for some time now, so why not just cut out the middle man by letting me taser them myself)?
Author Maureen Johnson first mentioned pink tasers in her blog. But no one gave her a free one for doing so.
Worse, did you know they even PAY some bloggers to say they like certain TV shows, products, books (hopefully not mine, but who knows?), and even movies? Oh, yes, that part, at least, was revealed in an article in The Wall Street Journal earlier this week, which I read when I was on the airplane on the way to He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog’s lair.
I was desperate for reading material at the time, and The Wall Street Journal was the only other thing on the plane that did not mention Owen Wilson’s suicide attempt, which of course throws me into a maelstrom of despair every time I think about it, since I feel like I should be there in his hospital room with him, tenderly cradling him in my arms, even though I don’t know him, but obviously we are soulmates (PS Shut up Beth if you are reading this, he’s my soulmate, not yours).
See this dress? I was feeling kind of depressed the other day, so I ordered it from Betsey Johnson (it’s on sale in white, but not in red, but you better hurry before they sell out), and it’s so cute, and mega comfortable. No one paid me to say this or sent it to me for free for mentioning that here. I WISH!
So how do we know some blogger is saying they like a TV show or product because it’s really good, or because they got PAID to say it? Some of them disclose…but some do not.
So I am posting this to let you know: you can trust me not to blog that I liked something because someone paid me to say so or sent me a free DVD or product (as if). I actually think you can trust most authors who blog, because we don’t seem to attract merchandisers or anyone offering free pre-screening DVDS….
However if anyone DOES happen to send me any products or films, and I don’t like them, I wouldn’t say anything bad about them here—I just wouldn’t mention them at all…especially if they also included these cupcakes from Dean and Deluca
which I actually just ordered and shipped to myself, because if you are trapped in a lair in the woods with the ticks and your mother-in-law, would you not want these around?
Plus HWSNBNITB is not a cupcake fanatic like I am, which I sort of knew when I ordered them. So I know he’ll go, “Uh, no, I don’t really want one,” and I’ll go, “Oh, no, honey. Well, if you’re SURE….”