Author Resolutions for 2007
1) I will not check my book’s ranking on Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com.
At least, not every 3.6 minutes.
2) I will brush, or at the very least attempt to style, my hair before book signings.
3) I will not put my name in Technorati.com or Google Blog Search to see what people are saying about my book on their blogs.
At least, no more than every
two four hours.
4) ) I will never, ever, ever call Ingram to check my book’s sales numbers. I will not even ask my other author friends what Ingram is.
Or if they know the number.
5) If I still have my own eyebrows, I will make sure they are reasonably well-groomed and do not meet in the middle of my nose or stray anywhere close to my eyelids.
If they do either of these things, I will consult with a certified eyebrow specialist (or at least a well-groomed friend or relative) to see what can be done to rectify this matter, especially before any public appearance, particularly one that will be televised, even if only on Book TV.
6) I will not enter my name in Google News.
If for some reason I accidentally enter my name in Google News, and the only thing that shows up is a high school sporting event that features a student athlete with my same name, I will not call my agent to complain that my publicist is doing nothing to promote my book.
7) I will update my blog daily.
If not daily, then three times a week.
If not three times a week, then once a week.
If not once a week, then bi-monthly.
If not bi-monthly, then at least right before I have a book coming out just to let readers know I am still alive.
8) For my own mental health, I will not read reviews of my book posted on the Internet, even on my own message boards (unless it’s a review written by my parents…and my book was not A Child Called It or Running With Scissors).
9) For my own mental health, I will never read emails from readers with subject lines that say: “Hated It,” “I don’t mean to be rude, but….” Or “WHY????”
10) I will be kind to everyone—readers, booksellers, editors, publicists, publishers, even other authors–as well as to myself. I will do this by keeping the resolutions above, and by writing a good–or at least as good as I can make it given all of the time I will be spending keeping the above resolutions–novel this year.
On a personal note, this year, I am also going to stop biting my nails.
No, this year I really mean it.