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Meg's Blog

Holiday Message from Britney and Bukowski

Hey, ya’ll. It’s me, Brit. Meg’s busy working on the sequel to her newly released book, Size 14 Is Not Fat Either—which is the sequel to last year’s Size 12 Is Not Fat–so she asked me to post a little holiday note lettin’ you know that she had no idea so many of ya’ll suffer from migraines just like she does!

Meg totally appreciates all ya’ll’s tips and well-wishes for her. Especially the one from “meg cabot fan,” who writes:

that is sooo horrible that you get migrains nearly every day. it also is unfiar that you have to go through all those test to see if you have a BRAIN TUMER. i really really really hope you dont have a brain tumer. in first grade, a kid in my class got a brain tumer, and he was taken out of school for 2 YEARS. AND his eyes were all crossy for a year after that!

Ya’ll, I really hope Meg doesn’t have a brain tumor either, because NOBODY looks good with eyes that are all crossy! Just ask Jessica Simpson!

Oh, wait, did I say that out loud? Hee, my bad!

Fortunately the doctor says in Meg’s case it’s probably just hormones, which reminds me of a joke Kevy used to tell me–oh, right, nevermind, this is a family blog.

Well, whatever, she’ll find out for sure next week, and you’ll be the first to know. After me ‘n Paris, of course.

Anyway, I guess ya’ll have noticed that I haven’t had a chance to blog here much lately.
It’s been a busy year for me. Mom says so much has happened she doesn’t how she’s going to fit it all in the Spears Family Christmas Newsletter. I told her to just use 8 point font on nine single spaced pages like Paris’s mom does! Done and done.

But seriously, between my family doing that intervention on me and telling me I have to get rid of all the baggage in my life—by which it turns out they did not mean my Louis Vuitton carry-on–and Sean Preston turning out to be a baby genius, and his little brother getting born, and me suddenly becoming best friends with Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan—BFF, if ya’ll are reading this! Make a searching and fearless moral inventory, ya’ll!—I’ve barely had a chance to work on my new album!

That’s why I found Sean Preston’s birthday gift to me–the collected works of postal-worker-turned-poet Charles Bukowski —so inspiring. Seany even put a post-it note on one of the poems—Genius of the Crowd—that said, You should read this one first, Mom! It’s about the soul-crushing reality of everyday life and the banality of the human condition.

And you know what? He was so right! That poem has changed my life! Because it SO APPLIES to me and what’s going on in my life right now. I’m even thinking of turning it into a song for my new album. Here, listen to my favorite part:

beware the average man the average woman
beware their love, their love is average
seeks average

but there is genius in their hatred
there is enough genius in their hatred to kill you
to kill anybody

not wanting solitude
not understanding solitude
they will attempt to destroy anything
that differs from their own

not being able to create art
they will not understand art
they will consider their failure as creators
only as a failure of the world

not being able to love fully
they will believe your love incomplete
and then they will hate you
and their hatred will be perfect

like a shining diamond
like a knife
like a mountain
like a tiger
like hemlock

their finest art

OMG, ya’ll! That poem is soooo about me and Kevin! Because you know, Kevin considers his failure as a creator (of anything except babies) a failure of the world, and he HATES being alone, which is why he wants custody of the kids (also so Sean Preston will do his taxes for him). And also, Kevin is average and he doesn’t understand art…as anyone who has listened to his song Popozao knows.

And so he HATES me. And his hate for me is PERFECT. Like a KNIFE.

But in the song I’m basing on this poem, I’m changing the words just a little bit, so it goes:

and their hatred will be perfect
Uh-huh, uh-huh, Here kitty, kitty

like a shiny diamond
Ninja throwing star

like a knife
Ginzu, baby, cut my can

like a mountain
Oops I did it again

like a tiger
Uh-huh, uh-huh, Here kitty, kitty

like Tom Cruise
Hit me baby one more time

(I changed the last line because I don’t know what hemlock is. But everyone knows who Tom Cruise is, and that he’s PERFECT…like Kevin’s hate!)

OMG, I’m so excited. And I know Mr. Bukowski won’t mind, because way more people are gonna hear my song based on his poem than ever read actually read his poem. Also, he’s dead, anyway.

Ooops, gotta go, Paris says it’s time to put on our matching dog sweaters and pretend to be shopping at Fred Segal.

Anyway, Meg just wanted me to add that as the holidays are approaching, it’s more important than ever to remember a little something some of us seem to have trouble remembering…

…and that’s your panties, ya’ll! HA HA HA HA!!!!

More later.

Much love,

Brit

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