Meg's Blog

My NEW New Boyfriend

Here's a picture of my new boyfriend:

Yes, I have given up on Warren Buffett. I'm sorry, Warren, but I have a found new love with whom even you, with all your philanthropy, cannot compete.

Yes, my new love is Tarzan, Lord of the Jungle (not to be confused with Josh Strickland—but TARZAN, AS PLAYED BY Josh Strickland. I'm sure you can see the difference. One is an American Idol finalist. One is Lord of the Apes. I mean, seriously, why would you take an American Idol finalist when you could have a man who COMMANDS THE APES???? So please do not start sending me Josh Strickland CDs and photos. Unless of course they photos are of Josh Strickland dressed as Tarzan) from the musical of the same name on Broadway.

Look, I know what you're thinking: Broadway musical? How does she have time to go to Broadway musicals? Isn't she on a book tour?

Yes, but did you know theaters can EMAIL you tickets now? And you can just print them out and go? You don't even have to stand on line. I decided an hour before curtain time that I had seen enough ads on the sides of buses for this show, and that I just had to see for myself what all the fuss is about, and boom, I was there, row 9 (thank you, American Express Travel).

I don't actually enjoy live theater anymore due to my own sordid theater background (I think my feelings on the matter would best be summed up by Morales's song “Nothing” from “A Chorus Line”), but I am willing to buy a ticket to any show that promises a romance that includes a hot, slightly sweaty guy in a loin cloth who swings over the audience on a vine.

Tarzan: “Hi. I'm Meg's new boyfriend. Just ignore this girl sitting next to me, that should be Meg. Meg, do you want me to come over and skim your pool? I'll wear my loin cloth. Call me. Ooo-oo-oh-ah-oo-oo (monkey chatter/scratching).”

I made sure I got a seat directly under the vine (I made my friend Beth, good sport that she is, come along. I knew she'd be game because earlier in the week she called and asked if I wanted to see BEERFEST. The answer was yes, of course, but we could not then coordinate our schedules with all the book signings), and it was a very satisfying evening.

And okay, yes, the music was a little schmaltzy; and the script was a little cheesy.

But, hello: loincloth. Also vine-swinging. And singing. Very nice singing!

Two thumbs up. WAY UP.

Moving on:

Here's what a book tour looks like, from the point of view of the author:

Yes. That is what I get to look at every morning and night. I guess I COULD be neater, but…why? I'm just going to be stuffing it all back in there in a day anyway.

Meanwhile, guess who was in my train car when I rode back to New York City from Philadelphia? Yes, that is right. Sandi Thom and her band. Who could have guessed that of all the trains leaving Philadelphia that day, they'd have been on MINE? And in my exact car (note: It was not first class)?

Anyway, I screamed, “You ate all the doughnuts!” at them, and they looked alarmed. But then I reminded them where we'd met and we all went our happy ways, them playing poker, and me playing Tetris.

I wonder who else is touring right now that I could run into????


All right. Calm down. There are enough seats for everyone. I PROMISE.

Can you believe this show actually got BAD REVIEWS? Apparently, SOME people found Tarzan, the Musical, lacking in some way. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM????

Oh, wait, hold on—MUST CLICK HERE AGAIN….

Ahhhh. I feel better now. And you know what, Tarzan? Remember how you sang about getting that special feeling deep inside when you met Jane?

I have that special feeling, too, Tarzan.

Now that we have that out of our systems, let us read on:

In other news, thanks VERY much to readers Megan and Nicole for the nice note and TaB, as well to everyone who came out (on a school night!) to see me at the 92nd Street Y, and to all the booksellers I've met so far who've worked so hard to create such fantastic events for me. I was recently informed by one of them that people actually read this blog, which I find hard to believe, but apparently it is not just the two Barb Cabots who come here. Who knew?

I know librarian David Faulkner drops by occasionally, and he has this to say about the quickening, and he has to be right because he is a librarian, and offered three separate definitions. This one seems like the most likely candidate:

A mass ascension (akin to the Rapture—think LEFT BEHIND series) of the enlightened, but the quickening is actually about ascension while in the physical, by taking our bodies into the higher dimension without the death process.

Okay? So maybe we are not as close to it as I thought.

I would like to say something deeply intellectual here but I'm still a little sweaty from thinking about Tarzan. If you want to read something intellectual, pick up a copy of the October issue of “Glamour” magazine and check out the Eve Ensler article entitled Waiting for Mr. Alligator about how the abuse Eve suffered as a child led to her helping to fund a home for abused girls in Africa. It made me cry.

I hope anyone living in the Cleveland area will help me to convince Tarzan to move to Key West—oops, I mean, come to my signing tonight:

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2006, 7:00PM

Joseph Beth Booksellers
24519 Cedar Road
Lyndhurst, OH 44124

Tarzan: “Why won't this weird girl go away and let me be with Meg? I'm sure Meg's husband won't mind. I will take over his garbage-night duties, and take out the trash in my loincloth. I'm sure all the ladies in Meg's neighborhood will appreciate it. And some of the men, too—it's Key West, after all! Plus, as Lord of the Jungle, I will get along with Gem and Henrietta. Soon I will be Lord of all the Cats of Key West. Oo-oo-ah-oh-ee (monkey shriek)!”

More later.

Much love,