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REAL WORLD KEY WEST, and oh yeah, SAVING WOMEN'S LIVES (not necessarily in that order):
So if you haven't done so already, go out and get the April issue of MARIE CLAIRE magazine, the one with Drew Barrymore on the cover. It looks like this:
Go buy it now! Don't worry, I'll wait for you to come back.
For those of you who are stuck at work or at school and can't run out right this minute to buy MARIE CLAIRE, I'll just let you know–while we're waiting for everyone else to come back–that Drew Barrymore went to Africa to explore the state of women's education there (which, it probably goes without saying, is deplorable).
It turns out that the level of education—if any—girls receive is DIRECTLY related to the level of poverty and health they will have later in life—even whether or not they live to SEE adulthood, since, especially in Africa, many of them will die of starvation well before they even get to their teens. In fact, four out of five of the 200 people who will die of hunger while you're reading Drew's article will be women and their children, despite the fact that the world—and the US, in particular—produces enough food to feed every single person on it…something I totally didn't know until I read this article!
Drew's diary of her time in Africa is STUNNING, and so well written—it made me cry, although it's actually very uplifting. And there's lots of information in the article about how we can help save the lives of African women, just by making sure they get an education, and learn a skill that will help propel them out of poverty (and out of having to depend on men to provide for them. And I don't mean the way He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog does all the cooking and grocery shopping in our house).
So, seriously–go out, buy a copy of this magazine (if you subscribe now, $1 will be donated to the cause by MARIE CLAIRE!), and read it from cover to cover. You won't regret it.
Okay. Are you back now? Good. Thanks. Onward and upward.
Now for a vitally important question: Have you been watching Real World Key West on MTV?
We here in Key West are very excited about this show, because it is constantly showing places where we go all the time. For instance, all the bars Paula has cried in? I've been to them! Some of them more than once! And the gay bar where John danced? Been there, too! So super fun for dancing!
In fact, the only place in Key West that they have shown that I have NOT been to is the actual house where the kids stayed, and that's because it isn't technically in Key West. That is why the kids have to keep taking cabs into town, instead of riding bikes around like the rest of us.
But still, doesn't Key West look nice on the show? Don't you want to come down here for Spring Break? You totally should. We have loads of rooms still available (well, not at my house, we are booked solid with houseguests from now until I leave for my Queen of Babble tour in May). And the weather couldn't be nicer, it is 80 degrees and sunny right now.
Although I feel honor bound to mention that last night, we went out to eat, and while we were sitting in the picture window overlooking the quaintly narrow street, I witnessed a drunk Spring Breaker suddenly duck between two parked cars, pull down her jeans, and start peeing.
I didn't say anything when the woman at the table behind us went, “What is that young girl doing? Looking for something?” because I didn't want to spoil her and husband's dining experience by telling them the truth.
I think when you are able to sit there in a restaurant, calmly eating your dinner while watching a girl's bare bottom as she pees between a pair of parked cars in front of you, and not even be grossed out by it, it is proof you have reached a new level of consciousness. A higher consciousness, kind of like the one Drew achieved when she went to Africa.
Finally the woman at the table behind ours cried, in a shocked voice, “Why, I think…I think she's URINATING!”
Which is when He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog—and who has yet to achieve my (or Drew's) state of higher consciousness—assured the woman that she was correct.
“Now I've seen everything!” the woman said, as she and her husband chuckled happily.
It was clear they were going home with a story with which they would charm their children and grandchildren for years. So I guess it was all right, in the end.
Get it? The end? Ha ha! Okay, shutting up now. Have a good weekend.