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Meg's Blog

WHAT I WATCHED ON MY CHRISTMAS VACATION

Although technically I didn't really have a vacation–because I was busy writing SIZE 12 IS NOT FAT 2, also known as PHAT CHICK (and, no, sorry, I can't tell you whether or not Cooper and Heather get together in it)–I did get in some excellent (and not so excellent) movie/television viewing over the holidays.

You can read about what I watched in this transcript of a true conversation I had yesterday with my friend Beth, who was born and raised in New York City, but who swears she is not a “typical New Yorker” AT ALL:

BETH:
Oh my God, I just watched the BEST movie on pay-per-view. It was called SKY HIGH.

ME:
Oh, I know. I loved that movie. It was so good–

BETH:
It wasn't good. IT WAS GREAT. That guy who played Warren Peace was so HOT.

ME:
Literally. He could make flames shoot out of his hands. I couldn't believe he didn't—

BETH:
He should have been the one to get together with that girl. Why would that girl even want the lead guy if a guy as hot as Warren Peace was around? In real life, she'd have gone with Warren Peace.

ME:
Well, I guess it was supposed to show that she and that Will guy had been—

BETH:
I don't care if they were lifelong friends. WARREN PEACE WAS HOTTER.

ME:
Yeah, okay, so speaking of hot guys, how was BROKEBACK MOUN–

BETH:
There was nothing hot about that movie. It's a tragic love story.

ME:
Dang. I was going to TiVo that when it comes on HBO and fast forward through everything but the hot–

BETH:
Are you listening to me? There WERE no hot nude scenes. It wasn't about sex. It was a moving tale of love and loss.

ME:
Oh. Well, speaking of which, didn't you tell me THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA was good and that I should watch it? Because I did, and it–

BETH:
I NEVER SAID THAT.

ME:
I distinctly remember you saying it was fun–

BETH:
I said it was fun to MAKE FUN OF.

ME:
Oh. I thought you said it was good. The plot was so full of holes! Minnie Driver was good, and Emmy Rossum did what she could–and she sure can sing. Still, why was that Christine girl so–

BETH:
I know! How could she have not liked the Phantom? Gerard Butler is so HOT! He should have been the one she got together with. Why would that girl even want the lead guy if a guy as hot as Gerard Butler was around? In real life, she'd have gone with Gerard Butler.

ME:
Well, I guess it was supposed to show that she and that Raoul guy had been—

BETH:
I don't care if they were lifelong friends. GERARD BUTLER WAS HOTTER. Why isn't he more famous? He was the best thing in that movie! Why isn't he in more movies? HE SHOULD BE IN SKY HIGH 2!!!! HE COULD PLAY WARREN PEACE'S DAD!!!!

ME:
Totally. And there was only one song I liked, and it was–

BETH:
Please. Don't go there. I don't want to have that song stuck in my head.

ME:
Speaking of which, did you see the new MADE on MTV that–

BETH:
If you mean the one with that chubby kid who wanted to play soccer, don't get me started. Why would you sign up to be on that show if all you were going to do is whine?

ME:
No, I mean the one with Alaric, the hippie girl who wanted to be a rock st–

BETH:
Does she spend the whole show whining about it?

ME:
No. Or the one with Genevieve, the classical pianist girl who wants to be a rapper so she can communicate with her peers on their level and get back at classmate Ben, who disrespected her?

BETH:
Whatever. I can't believe I have to go back to work tomorrow. I had such a nice vacation.

ME:
I didn't even GET a vacation. I had to work the whole time. But I guess I shouldn't complain. Now that I'm MADE, I guess it isn't good to whine about it.

BETH:
You can always whine to me. Remember my motto.

ME:
“The more you complain, the longer God let's you live”?

BETH:
Exactly.

ME:
Amen to that, sister.

And that concludes WHAT I WATCHED DURING MY CHRISTMAS VACATION. Please tune in for a long-awaited ADVICE BLOG by none other than Dr. Michele Jaffe, coming SOON.

More later.

Much love,

Meg

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