The WB IS SPYING ON ME
Hey! Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving. I know I did. I can tell, since none of my jeans fit and I'm forced to wear my yoga pants (not that I have ever actually done yoga in them) with the elastic waistband.
Anyway, Saturday there was a knock on my door, and we opened it, and it was a Comcast repair man, and he very casually turned our cable and wi-fi—which had been out FOR A MONTH since Hurricane Wilma—back on.
I am not saying that he came because I blogged about how disappointed I was in Comcast. I'm just saying, he showed up kind of unexpectedly.
Not that I'm complaining, either way. Now I have cable, On Demand, DVR, TiVo, AND wireless Internet back.
It is like Chrismukkah around here, I am telling you.
Only three things, really, have put a damper on my joy. The first is that it turns out I actually got a lot of work done during that month my Internet was off. Now I am going on line all the time, and it is NOT GOOD for my output AT ALL. The Internet is turning out to be like Milky Way bars: something I cannot ignore if it is anywhere in the immediate vicinity.
The second thing that is bumming me out is the news about Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson's marriage ending. I know, I know–they are horribly overexposed and Jessica is, in fact, officially gross for multiple reasons, the bikini scene in the BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKING video being the least of it.
But I still enjoyed NEWLYWEDS. And now it turns out it was all kind of fake. I feel betrayed by them both, frankly.
Although I guess this just goes to show that my theory—that you need to try on the pants before you buy them—is really true. Because that whole “waiting until her wedding night” thing didn't really work out for Jessica, did it?
The third thing bumming me out is all the headless birds I keep finding. Yeah, you read that right. Gem, though she is a homicidal maniac, is not responsible for these birds, because she rarely catches anything bigger than a locust, and if she does, she always brings it to the back door to show us. Whoever or whatever is killing these birds is just dropping them all over the yard.
Then the other day I looked up and saw this bird
sitting on top of a dead tree in our neighbor's yard. And it has been there ever since. I kid you not, I thought this bird was a bald eagle, it's THAT huge. I took this with my zoom lens which I really don't know how to use so it's kind of hard to tell, but I think it's an osprey. Any bird lovers out there care to confirm?
Also, do osprey's eat small outdoor cats? Because I swear right before I took this picture, that bird was looking right down at Gem.
In other news, I was shocked—shocked I tell you—when I learned that Lorelei Gilmore is exactly my age (Class of 1985). I have long suspected that the writers of the GILMORE GIRLS were spying on me, but this just confirms it. When, two seasons ago, author Michele Jaffe and I were having a private email conversation about the brutal slayings of Frank Lloyd Wright's family, and not a month later, Lorelei began spouting something about the brutal slayings of Frank Lloyd Wright's family, I knew, without a doubt, that the WB is monitoring my out-box.
Seriously, check it out: Lorelei is exactly my age, has dark hair, and, what's more, she OFTEN wears clothing I actually own (although so does Rory which freaks me out because I am 16 years older than Rory). And when I don't own it, I WANT it. Have you seen all the Marc Jacobs bags Lorelei's been toting around? Do you know how much those cost? How is a woman who runs an inn able to afford all those bags?
What's even more shocking is that lately Luke has been reminding me VERY much of He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog! Check it out:
Luke has shaggy dark hair. So does He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog.
Luke likes to cook. So does He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog.
Luke wears baseball hats indoors. So does He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog.
Luke has questionable taste in art. So does He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog.
Luke puts up with an insane woman's inane babbling all day long. So does He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog.
Luke has an illegitimate child. So does—
Well, nevermind. But if He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog DID turn out to have an illegitimate child, I would NOT freak out. I seriously don't know why Gwen Stefani had such a melt down when she found out her husband had a kid from a previous relationship. It's not like he was cheating on her—he didn't even KNOW Gwen when he got that other girl pregnant.
No, if He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog turned out to have a kid from some other relationship, I would do the right thing:
Totally pay for it to go to the best boarding school money can buy.