Wilma Readiness Report, Direct From Key West
Level of Allergens in the air due to Wilma:
High (woke with eyelids so swollen, I look like a komodo dragon).
Level of Reporters in town due to Wilma:
High. They are all gathered outside the La Concha hotel, drinking Starbucks and saying things like, “Brian, some residents of Key West are not heeding orders to evacuate, and keep riding by on their pink bikes, refusing to let us interview them. Could it be because they are still mad at us because we didn't tell them Katrina was coming their way and they suffered through twelve hours of 70 miles per hour winds without having boarded up or moved in their porch furniture or purchased reading material in advance of having no power for 48 hours?”
Level of Tarps He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog insists on using in his hurricane preparedness plans:
High. Until we unfolded one and two scorpions crawled out, one of which ran into the Harry Potter closet beneath the stairs. Now, tarp level is low.
Level of Poo Meg stepped in while putting chaise lounges between the house and the fence:
High. Cannot locate source of stink, but it is definitely present. Silkwood-level decontamination process currently underway.
Level of Cat Hostility in the Air due to Wilma:
High. Henrietta stomping around, looking for Food Court, which is now raised to kitchen counter, which she cannot see due to lack of peripheral vision. Gem outside, refusing to come in despite the hurricane that is on the way, due to being too busy eating eyeballs off red chili pepper catnip toy.
Level of the F word being uttered around our house as we board up:
High. But we mean it affectionately.
Level of Music purchased and downloaded to iPod Nano in advance of Wilma:
High. Newly arrived Fiona Apple and Juliana Hatfield CDs, in addition to new Liz Phair, Jill Sobule, Sheryl Crow, and Bloodhound Gang.
Level of Reading Material awaiting perusal during Wilma:
High. Just started Julie Powell's fabulous JULIE AND JULIA, the cute book about a girl who tries every single one of Julia Childs' recipes in MASTERING THE ART OF FRENCH COOKING. It is inspiring me to write my own book, MEG AND KEY WEST, the story of a girl who moves to Key West after being assured it never gets hit by hurricanes.
Back-up reading material: Stephen King's COLORADO KID.
Level of Revisions Meg still has due, in spite of Wilma:
High. Two whole novels still need rewriting. Good thing there is a hurricane coming, since now I won't be tempted to lay in the pool instead of working.
In fact, I need to get to work right now. Because even ANOTHER hurricane will not distract me from my goal of providing you with reading material for next year.
Although it's very hard to see through my puffy eyelid slits.