MURDER OF LOCAL LOCUST STUNS KEY WEST NEIGHBORHOOD
Species: Giant Gross Locust (genus: Locust Disgustingus), the size of my thumb (no photo of locust by my thumb to show scale was taken due to my not wanting to touch the victim).
Body found: On the welcome matt in front of our kitchen door.
Time of death: Unknown
Cause of death: MURDER!
Also known as “Har,” our friends' dog. Oh, he LOOKS innocent enough. But this master criminal has been known to engage in bouts of continuous face-licking that could make even the most hardened pet-hater quail.
Also known as our neighbor's cat, Tom, aka Jemima, aka Slutty McSlut-a-lot (due to her continuing attempts to steal He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog away from me. As proof of this claim, I offer this sordid shot, taken unbeknownst to either party by newly installed CatCam on back porch):
BUSTED!!!! (note guilt on face of suspect)
Our other neighbor's cat (actually, this is a picture of my friend's cat Harriet, standing in for Mia, who refuses to be photographed. Mia, in fact, refuses to do anything except lie on top of my neighbor's convertible VW and swipe at people who walk by. But knowing this diabolical individual, this could be a clever ruse to keep us from suspecting her).
My other neighbor's cat, considered so dangerous, she cannot be approached closely enough to take a decent photo of her. Precious is known for hanging around underneath my house and not letting me near enough to pet her.
Our other neighbor's cat. Although Trumpet is quite elderly and refused to allow me to photograph her except on the world's most humid day, when my lens fogged from the heat, she could very well be our guilty party—except that she has not, to my knowledge, ever crossed the street to my house before. Still, it is possible that she is using her alleged elderly status to cover up for this heartless crime.
Harriet again stands in for this elusive suspect, a manx whom I once mistook for a monkey climbing my fence. Known for living under my guest house and refusing to come when his owner calls him (“Herbie! Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty! Herbie!”), this cat may lack a tail, but there's not doubt he has the smarts to have pulled off this crime.
This notorious master criminal actually lives in Indiana, and is unlikely to have traveled such a long distance on foot to have deposited the victim at my door. But you never know. Plus, look how cute she is.
The most dangerous of all these cat criminals. Aliases include Miss Fancy Pants, Fussy, Fussietta, and Stinky. Highly unlikely to have committed said crime, due to general refusal to leave my bed and/or venture downstairs. However, this, too, might be part of clever ruse to throw off suspicion.
One of the above creatures committed this unconscionable crime. BUT WHICH ONE?
Stay tuned to this blog while this intrepid reporter gets to the bottom of
THE MURDER OF A LOCUST.
DO NOT LET THE PERPETRATOR OF THIS CRIME GO FREE! JUSTICE TO ALL LOCUSTS!
The animals pictured above are considered innocent until proven guilty in a court of law—or the court of Meg's Blog.
PS Animals, not just people, in the Gulf states, need your support! Go here to see what you can do to help. These people are working furiously to save all the pets left behind by those who lost their lives or were forced to evacuate due to Katrina, including Snowball, the little dog whose young owner was forced to leave him at the Superdome. Here's an article about the Snowball situation as it stands now.
And Habitat For Humanity (on which the fictional charity, Homes for the Hopeful, for which Princess Mia volunteers in my book Project Princess) is launching Operation Home Delivery, a “home-building blitz” for residents—and their pets!–of the Gulf states. Go
here to see how you can help!