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Meg's Blog

Meg Watches The VMAs

VMAs:
Diddy? DIDDY is hosting the VMAs? Please shoot me now. What, precisely, is Diddy famous for, besides dating J Lo, making ugly clothes, and being a savvy business man? Oh, and carrying that gun (ALLEGEDLY)?

Why didn't they ask Kathy Griffin to host it? SHE has never gotten in trouble for gun play.

I have to change the channel. Sorry.

CNN:
Poor New Orleans! I went there once for Spring Break and had a really good time. It was so beautiful!

Also, lots of writers live there. Hang in there, New Orleans! You can do it! And the rest of you, too…Biloxi and everyone else.

Back to the VMAs:
Lindsay. Seriously. What is that you're wearing? Did Wilmer steal that dress for you off the set of That 70s Show? I thought you two broke up. Oh wait, I know where you got it: Off Bea Arthur, who last wore it on the set of her TV show MAUDE.

Also, swearing? Is that really appropriate, Lindsay? I don't think so. There are children watching this.

CNN:
WHY WON'T THEY SHOW US THE INSIDE OF THE SUPERDOME??? WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE IN THERE???? What kind of seats do all those unfortunate people have to sit in? Are they padded?

I certainly hope so. They could be there a while.

God I feel bad for them. I HATE sports. And sports combined with nature just sucks.

Back to the VMAs:
I told Paris not to wear that dress, but she never listens to me.

The Weather Channel:
Do women apply to work at the Weather Channel so that they can get pregnant? Because almost every single female broadcaster on that channel seems to be pregnant at one time or another during her tenure on the channel, several of them multiple times. What is going on over there? Seriously. I want to know.

Back to the VMAs:
Gwen showed up! I heard she was refusing to attend due to not being allowed to perform since she was on the Teen Choice Awards and MTV got jealous (ALLEGEDLY)! Yay, Gwen! Oh, Kelly won. But look how cute she is. And she said Gwen should have won! So gracious, Kelly. Kelly's never been caught with a gun. You go, Kelly!

CNN:
Larry King just asked Max Mayfield of NOAA if there's a chance Katrina could still veer away from New Orleans. I can answer that, Larry. Yes, there is a chance. A very good chance. Katrina could, in fact, turn around and head back to Key West. It seems to really like us. Remember when we all went to bed here the other night, confident that Katrina was going out to sea, and we woke up with Katrina right over our heads instead, and she killed my hundred year old Jamaican sugar apple?

Oh, yes, she could still veer.

With any luck, she'll go back to Miami and hit Diddy.

Back to the VMAs:
Yay! Missy Elliot won!

Except…

Um, Ciara? Yeah, you forgot something. Yes. YOUR PANTS.

CNN:
I think New Orleans' mayor, Ray Nagin, is totally hot.

Back to the VMAs:
Eric Roberts? He was the biggest star they could get?

Maybe he blackmailed them to get on the show. Maybe he knows where Ciara's pants are. But he wouldn't tell unless they let him be a presenter (ALLEGEDLY).

CNN:
There have been some kickass made-for-TV disaster movies set in New Orleans. Am I the only one in the world who saw ON HOSTILE GROUND in which John Corbett plays a geologist who tries to prevent a huge sinkhole from devouring New Orleans during Mardi Gras by spraying insulation foam into the caverns on which New Orleans supposedly sits (the ones that I guess we're supposed to believe lie beneath the ocean floor)?

Just wondering.

Back to the VMAs:
THEY LET LI'L KIM HOLD OFF ON JAIL FOR THIS???? Also, um, she lied. About a murder. That is not cool. This would have been a great moment for her to apologize for lying about a murder. But she did not. Way to show some class, L'il. Not.

CNN:
Shrimpers riding the hurricane out on their boats rather than at home! I hope the shrimpers have better luck than our Key West boats did, since a lot of them got washed into the mangroves, due to not having been tied down securely enough, since no one said a hurricane was heading our way. Until it was on us.

Back to the VMAs:
Oh my God this is so boring.

CNN:
THEY SHOWED THE INSIDE OF THE SUPERDOME!!! On MSNBC!!! The seats ARE padded, I think. Thank God. Because those people could be sitting for quite a while. Some of them are in sky boxes. Sky boxes are always the way to go.

Back to the VMAs:
Jessica, I know he's your dad and you love him. But we all know he MADE you wear that bikini in the Boots video. And that that is not a normal thing for a dad to do. Think, Jessica, think. THAT IS NOT A NORMAL THING FOR A DAD TO DO.

FOX:
Geraldo's new hairdo looks like a coyote curled up on top of his head and died there.

Back to the VMAs:
Missy won again! Yay! Where is Ciara this time? Oh, probably looking for her pants.

Oh, look, Fergie forgot her pants, too. Which is just as well, considering what happened last time she wore some. (ALLEGEDLY)

The Weather Channel:
I will bet you hard cash Jim Cantore is the one impregnating all the female broadcasters on this channel.

Back to the VMAs:
Did you all see Kathy Griffin's stand up routine, Kathy Griffin is not Nicole Kidman, on Bravo? If not you have to watch it. You will never think of Ryan Seacrest the same way. He is sick. Almost as sick as Joe Simpson. Ryan, why? WHY???

CNN:
Also, remember that movie SAVAGE BEES in which the annual Mardi Gras celebration is brought to a halt when a swarm of African killer bees escape from a foreign freighter? Not to give away the ending, but they finally got rid of the problem by luring the bees into a VW bug, then driving the bug into the Superdome and lowering the air conditioning in the Superdome until the bees fell asleep.

Genius.

Back to the VMAs:
Oh my God, this show sucks.

Hey, you know what would rule? A made-for-TV movie about Katrina. You know, about plucky young reporter and the FEMA agent who insists the city isn't safe. Rob Lowe could star in it.

OH MY GOD! Remember when Rob Lowe hosted the Oscars and did the bump and grind with Snow White in the opening number, and everyone hated it so much but actually it was one of the best Oscar ceremonies in years for pure unadulterated badness?

They should have gotten Rob Lowe to do the VMAs.

I'm just saying.

I have to go now. He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog just took away the remote control. He says he can't stand watching television with me. I don't know why.

Stay safe and dry, everyone in Katrina's path!

More later.

Much love,

Meg

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