My Television Character Doppelganger
So, as you probably are aware, each and every one of us has a television character doppelganger (meaning a spiritual or ghostly double or counterpart; esp., an apparitional double of a living person; a cowalker), a character on TV who is almost or exactly like us, to the point that you almost suspect the writers of that character KNOW you, or something.
Maybe your television character doppelganger isn't EXACTLY like you, but she's enough like you that friends call you after an episode featuring your television doppelganger, and go, “Oh, my God. That was so you.”
I personally know several people who get violently angry with me when I call them to comment on their television character doppelganger (hello, Michele), because they choose to believe they aren't anything like the character I think they're like. A few of them think they are stunningly unique, and that no character on television is like them, or could ever BE like them.
And that's fine. I just want to state that I myself believe in television character doppelgangers, and that I believe I have found mine at last, and…well, it isn't who many of you might think.
But before I get to that:
It's been a busy weekend. While the rest of you were enjoying your prom or barbecues or trips to the beach, I was frantically trying to finish revisions to Princess Diaries 7, so I can move on to the book I have due on July 1.
Someone once mentioned that being a writer must be like having homework ALL the time.
It is so true. Except of course that it's homework you get paid to finish, and that you sometimes even enjoy.
Anyway, in case you haven't heard, Paris Hilton is engaged. No, she is not my television character doppelganger, but I felt it was important to share this news. I have already e'd my congratulations, and she wrote back right away to say that she is verklempt, which means “overcome with emotion” in Yiddish. She thanks you for all your support during the past few months, and adds, “This'll show Nicole she's not the only one who can get a guy to commit!”
Way to go, Paris.
And I finally got to see Britney Spears' new show, CHAOTIC. And no, Britney is not my television character doppelganger, either.
Still, it was kind of embarrassing when Brit called this weekend, and was all, “So whaddid ya think of it, ya'll?” because I had to pretend like I liked it. I was like, “It's great!”
But of course the sad truth is that I am now more convinced than ever that Kevin Federline is totally wrong for Brit. I mean, there he was, ON VIDEO, telling her he thinks “love is love,” and “love is a commitment.”
But if love is a commitment, why was Kevin's girlfriend, at that very moment, back in LA giving birth to his child, while HE was hanging out on a roof deck with Britney Spears?
Oh, yeah. That guy knows what love is, all right.
Also, what is with the gum? Britney will NOT stop chewing it. I understand she is pregnant now and trying not to smoke. Kudos to you for that, Britney.
But did she have to chomp on it SO LOUDLY into her microphone during her guest spot on ELLEN? So gross. It's like…didn't anybody teach her any manners? Or does she not have to use good manners, because she's a popstar? I could see how she might argue that stealing a man from the mother of his children isn't necessarily bad manners. But she MUST know that chewing gum into a microphone is.
Anyway, don't tell Britney, but I won't be able to watch CHAOTIC anymore because it made me feel like I had to go bathe afterwards.
In other news, I finally saw “The OC” season finale, and, while I won't give anything away for our friends on foreign soul, who haven't seen this season yet (the cool song at the episode's end–and during the funeral–by the way, was Imogen Heap's “Hide and Seek,” available on iTunes), can I just say how much I love this show again? I will admit, things were rocky between us for a while there.
But I feel that Ocean County has completely redeemed itself. Not only did my heart go out to poor Seth (Seth, go here –it has saved the sanity of those of us who have experienced the horror of bringing a date home to meet the parents, only to find one of said parents passed out on the living room floor in his or her Eiffel Tower underwear), but we got to see Princess Sparkle!
Summer, Princess Sparkle's mom, is, of course, my favorite character on television at the moment—with the possible exception of Dr. House on “House” (more on “House” later). When I take quizzes to see which OC character I am most like (like the one here) I almost always get Summer. I do feel that Summer and I have a lot in common, and I don't mean just because we both have dark hair and stunning wardrobes. I would love to think that Summer is my television character doppelganger….
…especially since I really do think that in life you are either a Summer (the sarcastic but supportive best friend) or a Marissa (the stunningly beautiful but mixed up girl next door). I have never had a boyfriend whose brother was so hot for me that he attacked me on a beach, so that I had to fight him off with a piece of driftwood. The closest I have ever come to a Marissa moment like that was the time I was standing at my locker in the 9th grade, and this boy came up and asked me if I wanted to go see the Three Penny Opera with him, and then this OTHER boy came up WHILE THE FIRST BOY WAS STILL THERE, and asked me if I wanted to go see the Three Penny Opera with HIM, and the first boy was like, “She's going…with ME!” and I was sort of hoping there'd be a fight.
But there wasn't. And the Three Penny Opera turned out to vastly suck.
Still. That was my one Marissa moment. Everything else in my life has been undiluted Summer. Which I'm not complaining about, because being a Summer has ROCKED. In fact, I prefer it to being a Marissa, because who needs all that drama?
And yet, sadly enough, Summer is not my television character doppelganger.
I THOUGHT I might have found my television character doppelganger on what I consider the best show on TV right now, “House,” in the form of fiesty hospital administrator Cutty. I am deeply in love with Dr. House, especially after that last episode. True, I wouldn't want to live with him, since he seems like he would be kind of cranky in the morning.
But I wouldn't mind being Cutty, because she has such nice clothes and hair, and she gets to hang with House all day.
Sadly, however, much as I long to be Cutty, she is not my television character doppelganger, either.
No, the truth is, I was flipping channels the other night and found my true television character doppelganger on, of all stations, Comdey Central. I knew the minute I gazed into her bulbous eyes that I was looking at myself. There is no denying that this character is based on me—at least me at a certain age. I don't know how her creators got it so, so right. But there it is. It was stunning and heart-breaking at the same time, but there was no denying the truth of it, even as I watched in growing horror as she called her brother a turd. My television character doppelganger is this one.
Seriously. You can ask my family if you don't believe me.
I never wore headgear though. And I never actually threw a piano on either of my brothers, or their friends.
But that's only because we didn't have a piano. I certainly WANTED to.
Oh, well. There are worse television characters I could turn out to be. Like this one.
I guess I should be relieved it's not as bad as that.