Meg's Blog

May the Braid Be With You

As many of you know, writers are notorious for one thing. No, not heavy drinking (well, actually, that too).

But what I meant was not writing.

Yes, it's true. Writers will go to almost any length to avoid actually writing. I have mentioned this before.

And although some of you wrote the last time I mentioned this that if I hate writing so much, I should just quit, this is not a feasible solution to the problem. I really can't quit because, unlike Napoleon Dynamite, I have no other skills (such as computer hacking).

So I am stuck with (not) writing for a living. Because I still haven't sold my old house and now I have two mortgages to pay.

Besides, writers do like to write when the writing is going well.

Unfortunately the writing hardly ever goes well.

And so we must resort to bizarre procrastination techniques, such as watching every LAW AND ORDER episode featuring Chris Noth, in order to put off writing.

I have actually passed the LAW AND ORDER featuring Chris Noth (Law and Order Classic, Anna Quindlen calls it) stage, having seen every episode of Law and Order Classic three to four times, and have headed into the JUDGING AMY stage (thanks to my assistant, Julie, who is the one who got me hooked. Julie, I WILL get my revenge someday).

But now that I have seen almost every episode of JUDGING AMY, I have had to resort to new procrastination techniques. I have, obviously, read every issue of PEOPLE and US WEEKLY to hit the stands in the last two years. I have been over and over the Jen/Brad/Angelina love triangle, and was horrified, as no doubt all of you were, by the latest information on Tom Cruise…that he is dating Katie Holmes, sixteen years his junior and apparently soon to be sucked into Scientology, if she hasn't been already. I was stunned by the revelation about Renee Zellweger's sudden marriage to a singer who is not Jack White, and I am waiting, as is the rest of America, with breathless anticipation for the birth of Britney's, and Jennifer Garner's, babies.

But my latest procrastination technique of choice is reading Star Wars message boards.

I will admit, I'm about the biggest Star Wars fan that there can be. No, I don't have a Princess Leia costume.

But I do have a limited edition R2D2 cookie jar, circa 1977. Which no one is allowed to use, because it is For Display Purposes Only. As is my hand-crafted limited edition Chewbacca tankard (and yes I do have a burglar alarm so don't even think anyone's breaking into my crib to steal these fine items).

I have all the action figures (again, For Display Purposes Only) including the original Big Head and Pin Head Han Solos.

And in my childhood and adolescence, I wrote approximately 3,000 pages of fanfiction devoted to Mr. Lucas's galaxy.

While the first three films are my favorites, Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones have a special place in my heart. In fact, the scene where Amidala and Anakin are rolling around on that hill with those space cows is one of the funniest scenes I have ever seen in a movie. It still causes my friend Beth and I no end of mirth. All Beth has to say to is, “The hillside scene,” and we cannot speak anymore, we are too busy laughing.

(There is also the suitcase scene, in the same movie. Beth still calls me sometimes, and says merely, “The suitcase scene!” And we can't stop laughing.)

So Beth and I and our friend Bob and, with any luck, Bob's boyfriend, who is also named Bob, will TOTALLY be in line the first day Revenge of the Sith opens. As Beth asked me hopefully, last night, “Do you think there will be another packing scene?”

“Probably not,” I said. “At least, not judging by the scene in the trailer where Amidala tells Anakin he is breaking her heart.”

“Maybe,” Beth said, “she is packing during that scene, and you just can't see it in the trailer.”

“I hope so,” I replied. “Because she certainly wasn't rolling down a hill.”

We are going to get in line early, even though we pre-bought tickets. Because there is nothing more fun in life than standing in line with people dressed like Chewbacca. NOTHING.

That said, in preparation for the big day, I have been reading messages from other fans on the boards, to find out what they will be wearing, etc.. I have found some pretty priceless stuff on some of these message boards, and it worries me that the rest of the world is missing out on it. The problem with message boards is that, after a while, the messages just get deleted, never to be seen again.

And this is just wrong, in many cases.

So I have been trying to save as many conversations as I can, so that they can be enjoyed for years to come—not just by all of you, but perhaps by some alien race, which, having conquered Earth, will one day wonder, “Who were these creatures we stamped out so easily?” and take a look at the following, and understand at last how special and unique we really were (names of posters have been slightly changed to preserve their anonymity):

Posted by Master Kenobi:
I am a HUGE Star Wars Fan, and I have grown my jedi braid for almost 2 years. I was wondering, does anyone else have a real one? I mean as part of their heads?

Posted by Spadmé:
“does anyone else have a real one? I mean as part of their heads?”
Um, if the braid wasn't part of our heads, what WOULD it be part of?
Nevermind, don't answer that.

Posted by ArizonaAmidala:
I don't have a Jedi braid, but a friend of mine used to have one. Her braid was really long, but she finally cut it. She claimed she had become a Sith and no longer required to wear the braid when people asked her why she did it.

Posted by Master Kenobi:
That's cool, but i thought only boy apprentices wear braids and the girls don't have to.

Posted by Spadmé:
Hey, that's pure discrimination!

Posted by Tauntaun:
I thought it was not so much related to gender as it is related to what species actually have hair or a head that's compatible with a braid.

Posted by Master Kenobi:
I think its both gender and species, but I think each person decides.

Posted by Iheartanakin:
I have a padawan braid. I first had the Qui-Gon do. Then Episode II came out and I fell in love with Anakin. So I cut my hair just like his. I have the braid and it is my real hair. I also made my Anakin costume by hand. I live with it daily so it is not a costume.

Posted by Betty-Wan Kenobi:
Yes, I have a padawan braid, and it is my real hair. I started growing it in 1999 after I saw young Obi-Wan Kenobi in episode I. I show hairdressers young Obi-Wan's picture so they will do the haircut right. I like it symbolically. It is the one thing one can have which is recognizable without wearing a whole outfit (which isn't practical). Anyone would know you like Star Wars, and especially the Force.

Posted by Iheartanakin:
What I meant by “It is not a costume,” meaning my Anakin hair do, is that I have it 24-7. When you can not be near the one you love, copying him is what you do next.

Posted by Jedi Master:
For Halloween this year I am going to be Obi Wan from Episode 4… and I am growing a big full on beard!!! Everybody I see is blown away. It's itchy as all heck and it drives me nuts, but it will be so worth it.

Posted by Spadmé:
LOL, I admire your devotion, Jedi Master!

As do I, of course, Jedi Master. As do I.

I think it's important to remember that everyone—not just writers–can get too bogged d
own in our day-to-day worries (not writing; not missing a single episode of Chris Noth or Judging Amy; worrying about Jen/Brad/Angelina, and, especially, Katie and Renee, and the Spears-Federline, Garner-Affleck spawn), and forget the most important thing of all:

That out there, somewhere—maybe in a galaxy not so far, far away after all–people are growing padawan braids.

As part of their heads.

May the Force be with us all.

More later.

Much love,