Princess Diaries 6 Tour Days 5-6
Wow, do I love New Mexico. I mean, it's true right now I'm covered with this weird dirt that was blowing around in the wind out by the pool…and everything I brought with me to the pool is also covered in it, including my iPod and can of smoked almonds. Oh, and my eyes are all red and watering, which I thought was from allergies, but which I have just been informed by a laughing room service waitress (along with the fact that you pronounce the J in jicima as an H—who knew?) that the redness is due to the Santa Ana winds.
Because of course I come from the Midwest, where we don't have Santa Anas, or jicima, or pueblos, or desert, or scrub brush, or signs that say CAUTION: COYOTES.
So to me, that stuff seems totally cool.
Viva New Mexico, is all I have to say. I don't even want to wash the dirt out of my hair because the Santa Anas made it look better than any hair stylist ever could.
OK, back to the booktour:
Guess who was staying in my hotel back in Kansas City? Just Ty Pennington and the entire cast of Extreme Home Makeover (did you think they all slept in that camper? So did I). Also, Pat Sajak from the Price is Right.
But back to Ty: Apparently, they're making over the home of a Kansas City fireman. The details are sketchy and acquired solely from limo drivers, but rumor has it this fireman either risked his life to save a paramedic caught in the crossfire between a sharpshooter and police, or he actually died trying to save her. I got conflicting stories. But we'll find out when the show airs.
Anyway, I love Extreme Home Makeover, so being so near the people involved gave me a lovely glowing feeling. Even if I never actually got to see any of them.
Kansas City was great. I had a really fun signing at the Reading Reptile.
And thanks to Mandy M for the groovy CD mix and to Kate for the cool print of my author photo AND the catnip mouse for Henrietta!
Did I mention being evacuated from the St Louis airport on my way to Kansas City? Well, we were. Some argued that it was a terrorist attack, but I got the scoop from a food service worker while we were standing on the grassy knoll outside the airport, watching the fire trucks roll up: napkin caught on fire at Great American Bagel. Oh, yes. And the ENTIRE AIPORT had to be evacuated. It was hilarious. Well, to me, anyway.
Anyway, I just want to say to the two New Mexico readers who wrote to warn me about the altitude—thank you. I have been drinking plenty of fluids. And thanks also to reader who alerted me to the fact that Alberstons here has Tab. I am drinking one right now thanks to you. Sooooo good. Hint: Raleys has it too.
In other news, everyone is buzzing about what happened on JOAN OF ARCADIA last Friday. I saw it, and I want you to know, I have stopped TiVoing that show in protest.
First of all, I don't believe for ONE MINUTE that Adam would do that, and secondly, I think it sets a bad example for the youth of America: boys won't cheat on you just because you don't put out. So don't worry, girls.
Because the fact is, they will cheat on you even if you DO put out.
Seriously. It doesn't matter what you do. If a guy is going to cheat, he's going to cheat, whether you have sex with him or not.
So don't be like my friend who emailed me after the episode and was like, “She should have put out!!!!” Because even if she had, he still might have carried on some secret affair with a girl from a rival high school, thinking his girlfriend would never know, especially since her curfew was eleven (ten on weeknights) o'clock, which made it easy for him to drop her off after a date, then pick up the other girl, with whom he “partied” all night, not knowing that a friend of his girlfriend's was at the party and took secret photographs of the boyfriend and the girl from the rival high school making out (and more) in front of everyone, to show the girlfriend on the bus to school Monday morning, thus causing the girlfriend to confront her boyfriend at lunch in the cafeteria later that day, making him look like a jerk in front of everyone by telling him exactly what she thought of him and his behavior, and wishing him the best of luck with his new girlfriend, who, by the way, promptly dumped him when she heard, via the girlfriend, who made sure she got the message, that he'd been two-timing her, as well.
Not that this ever happened to me. I'm just saying.
The trick is to find the right kind of guy, the non-cheater. I wish there was some magic way to tell if a guy is a non-cheater, but there's really not. Generally, though, the non-cheater will be the type of guy who is just SO GRATEFUL that he got a girl as terrific as you are, that it would never occur to him to look elsewhere, because there couldn't possibly BE a girl cuter or funnier than you are.
That is right, ladies: Once again, I am talking about a nerd.
The thing is, Adam is pretty nerdy. Which is why it is so terribly hard for me to believe he would do what he did. Yes, nerds do cheat…but these events are as rare as the solar eclipse that is said to be visible over the US at some point today, and of which I have seen no sign here in sunny New Mexico.
So, girls, remember: guys-cheating-on-you wise, it doesn't matter whether or not you put out. What matters is whether or not you are dating a nerd. Nerds make the best boyfriend material, hands down. I'm just saying.
In other news, perhaps my great perturbation (is that a word?) over what happened on JOAN OF ARCADIA explains my current obsession with the song SCOTTY DOESN'T KNOW from the soundtrack of the movie EUROTRIP. This song completely rocks…but you have to see it in the context of the movie to fully understand its greatness.
Oh, and how excited are you about the new reality series, “I Married a Princess” starring Princess Catherine Oxenburg and starting soon on Lifetime? Um, probably not as excited as I am.
I am pretty bummed I'm going to be missing the royal wedding tomorrow, since I'm off at the crack of dawn for Arizona. But I'm pretty stoked about going there, because desert living? It's so for me!
PS I just found out that the wind at the pool today? Not the Santa Anas. It was a huge dust storm that is closing highways all over New Mexico!
All I can think about is all those people down at the pool who didn't leave when I did. I mean, hello, DUST STORM. Now those were some dedicated tanners.
PPS Apparently, jicama does not agree with me. But I still love New Mexico!