Paris—No, not the city, silly!
Oh no! A bunch of my private correspondence with Paris Hilton got posted all over the Net because someone hacked into her Blackberry! I am so embarrassed!
But since you're just going to read it about it, elsewhere, I figured I better post our REAL emails here, in case someone, you know, tries to doctor them or something, and make out that we actually like J Lo's new line of clothes or that Paris isn't that bright or whatever.
So, here it is. One word of warning though. My conversations with Paris are always filled with DEGRASSI and GILMORE GIRLS spoilers, so if you don't want to know what's happening on those shows, you might want to go elsewhere. Also if you are Lindsay Lohan's dad:
To: Meg
Fr: Paris
Re: Degrassi
OMG did U C it this week? Wasn't Craig HOT?
To: Paris
Fr: Meg
Re: Degrassi
I don't know. I mean, he was acting kind of psycho. Asking Ashley to MARRY him, and all? What kind of 16 year old boy does that?
To: Meg
Fr: Paris
Re: Degrassi
I know! And she said no! She's so STOOPID!
To: Paris
Fr: Meg
Re: Degrassi
Well, Paris, she's still in high school. That's kinda young to get married.
To: Meg
Fr: Paris
Re: Degrassi
I'd marry him!!!!!!!!!!!! He is in a band!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To: Paris
Fr: Meg
Re: Degrassi
Um, Paris, I think that would actually be illegal. Because you're 24 and he's like 16.
To: Meg
Fr: Paris
Re: Degrassi
I don't care! He could walk Tinkerbell in the morning.
To: Paris
Fr: Meg
Re: Degrassi
Couldn't you just hire someone to do that?
To: Meg
Fr: Paris
Re: Degrassi
Duh. But Craig's hot. Hey did you see Gilmore Girls this week? That Luke guy is hot.
To: Paris
Fr: Meg
Re: Gilmore Girls
Luke IS hot. And I'm so glad he and Lorelai are back together. But what about the Logan guy Rory is dating?
To: Meg
Fr: Paris
Re: Gilmore Girls
He's hot.
To: Paris
Fr: Meg
Re: Gilmore Girls
I know he's hot. But I don't think he can give Rory the kind of love she needs. I really think she should be dating Marty, the Naked Guy, instead.
To: Meg
Fr: Paris
Re: Gilmore Girls
He's hot, too. But Logan's rich. And so Rory won't have to worry that he'd just dating her for her money, and that he might make a video of the two of them doing it and sell it on the Internet.
To: Paris
Fr: Meg
Re: Gilmore Girls
Paris, Rory doesn't have any money. So this would never happen to her.
To: Meg
Fr: Paris
Re: Gilmore Girls
She's lucky. Oh, look my People just arrived. And my Us Weekly. OMG, J Lo is on the cover of both of them! What is she DOING?
To: Paris
Fr: Meg
Re: J Lo
She's pushing her new line of clothes.
To: Meg
Fr: Paris
Re: J Lo
You mean like those fringy things she sent me?
To: Paris
Fr: Meg
Re: J Lo
Yeah.
To: Meg
Fr: Paris
Re: J Lo
I thought those were for Tinkerbell!!! She looks hot in them.
To: Paris
Fr: Meg
Re: J Lo
I wish she and Marc Antony would hurry up and have a baby already so we wouldn't have to keep hearing about it.
To: Meg
Fr: Paris
Re: J Lo
Babies are hot. OMG did you see the new American Idol Barbies?
To: Paris
Fr: Meg
Re: Barbie
Poor Mattel. They are totally desperate to do whatever they can to compete with those Bratz dolls, which are whipping their butts in sales.
To: Meg
Fr: Paris
Re: Barbie
Duh. And have you even seen those Bratz dolls? When you want to change the shoes on one of them, you have to remove their whole FOOT and put a on different foot with a painted shoe on it. They're just like that one guy's wife. You know. Heather Mills McCartney.
To: Paris
Fr: Meg
Re: Barbie
Um, Paris, she lost her leg in a tragic motorcycle accident.
To: Meg
Fr: Paris
Re: Barbie
See, that's why you should always wear a helmet. Hey, did you see the new Lindsay Lohan doll?
To: Paris
Fr: Meg
Re: Lindsay
No. Is it cute?
To: Meg
Fr: Paris
Re: Lindsay
I don't know!!!!! Tinkerbell chewed the face off mine. What am I going to tell Lindsay????
To: Paris
Fr: Meg
Re: Lindsay
Tell her that her dad stopped by. KIDDING!
Although he did say in New York magazine that he was going to go OJ on her if she and her mom didn't agree to star in his new reality television show, LIVING WITH THE LINDSAYS.
To: Meg
Fr: Paris
Re: Lindsay
That is so not hot! OMG! Poor Lindsay! Hey, let's take her out for some Red Bull! I'll call Nicole, and we'll all meet at the mall. Come over!
To: Paris
Fr: Meg
Re: Lindsay
Uh, Paris, I can't. I live in Key West. You're in Beverly Hills. Remember?
To: Meg
Fr: Paris
Re: Lindsay
Key West? That's hot. Okay, we'll make it dinner then. Sushi OK with you? See you then! BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
More later.
Much love,
Meg
