THIS BLOG HAS BEEN SEIZED BY ME, HENRIETTA
Yes, it is I, Henrietta Cabot, Meg's one-eyed cat. I have once again infiltrated Meg's blog so that I can give you a VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE.
Yes. An important message from THE CATS.
A lot of you own us, but not all of you have been LISTENING to us lately. We've been trying to TELL YOU SOMETHING. You keep giving us food or petting us, thinking that's what we want.
But that's not it. We don't want Pounce or kitty massages (well, actually, we do). But what we REALLY want is for you to READ THIS IMPORTANT MESSAGE I HAVE BROKEN INTO THIS BLOG TO POST.
It has been quite easy to do this, actually, because Meg is still recuperating from the Fantasyfest parade she went to last night. In fact, she hasn't gotten out of bed ALL DAY. Apparently, she saw so many naked people at the parade last night that she is thinking of calling her cable company and having the premium movie channels disconnected, because she can't take any more full-frontal nudity.
You foolish humans and your CLOTHES. I'm glad I'm covered with beautiful silky fur. Although I must admit my rhinestone collar does have a certain panache.
But that's not what I'm hacking into Meg's site to talk about. Who CARES about clothes when there are so many more important issues? Speaking of which, I overheard Meg say she isn't going to post a picture of herself in her Halloween costume here. Since she dressed as Princess Jasmine, who as you know wears little more than a bikini with puffy see-through pants, I for one am not surprised. I WARNED her.
But did she listen? No. It was almost as if she couldn't understand Catspeak at all. Instead of saying, “Thank you for the warning, Henrietta. Here is some Fancy Feast for you,” she was all, “My mom would never let me go as Princess Jasmine when I was a kid because it was always too cold for halter tops in October in Indiana. Well, now I live in Florida, so it's finally not too cold. Take that, Mom!”
Maybe her Princess Jasmine costume wasn't too cold. But it ended up being a little too something else. This was made clear when everywhere Meg went last night, men shrieked, “Hey, genie in the bottle! Come over here! I'll rub you the right way!”
Meg won't be wearing her Princess Jasmine costume in public EVER AGAIN.
Anyway, back to my VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE. Which is something that, frankly, I'm sure you've all heard before, but never from a cat.
In fact, this is probably a historic first.
But will the major news networks—Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood, Meg's favorites—be beating down the door, eager to interview me? No. At least, they didn't LAST time I hacked into Meg's site. No one so much as offered me a commercial endorsement.
Which, you know, seeing as how I am a cat who can type, is obviously just a HUGE missed opportunity.
But whatever. I'm over it.
Now. About my important message to you.
Here it is.
This is from all of us cats to you. And it's nothing personal. But we really want you to:
Yes. That is the message.
On Tuesday, November 2, if you live in the US, you must VOTE.
And if you are too young to vote, you must VOLUNTEER on Election Day, if not before (and those of you who ARE old enough to vote: It would be cool if YOU volunteered, as well).
I realize time is running out, but polling places and candidates STILL need your help. No matter how young or old you might be, there will be SOMETHING you can do.
IT IS UP TO YOU!!!!
DO NOT WASTE THIS INCREDIBLE OPPORTUNITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't you know how LUCKY you are, having thumbs, which help you to VOTE, and to VOLUNTEER at polling places? Cats can't vote. We can't even volunteer (even if we have two eyes. Although many of my cat friends here in Florida, the ones who have figured out how to escape their homes, have been hanging out at the various polling places, being cute and all, for the entertainment of the people lining up to vote).
And not just because we don't have thumbs, either. Apparently, cats aren't ALLOWED to vote. Not even TWO EYED CATS. Because we are CATS. Only HUMANS are allowed to vote.
Don't ask me why. I mean, many of us cats are MUCH smarter than you humans. Case in point, ME. I am MUCH more intelligent than Meg. I may only have one eye, but SHE can't even speak Cat, whereas I, as you can see, have an excellent grasp on English. It's just hard for me to pronounce, not having lips.
But I can assure you, if I ever figure out how to speak English—also how to sneak out of this house, and develop depth perception–I will organize a secret underground effort to change the constitution so that cats can vote (but not dogs. Let them get their OWN amendment. Slobbery jerks).
Because, though we may not act like it, we cats are VERY concerned about issues such as the environment (we would like it to keep it clean, like our litter boxes), birth control (have you SEEN what having multiple litters can do to a cat's figure? Not to mention all those unwanted kittens! Ick), stem cell research (what if they could stamp out feline leukemia, a leading killer of cats?), and health care (my last vet bill was astronomical, and of COURSE my prescriptions weren't covered by my insurance. Also, where is my prosthetic eyeball? WHERE? Must I go to CANADA for it????).
In fact, that's why we cats have given John Kerry our official endorsement. He's the Cat Candidate. I mean, look at how nice and clean he keeps his hair.
His hair even LOOKS a little like a cat. You know, like a tiny cat that curled up on his head and went to sleep. We cats just LOVE that look, and would adore it if he were elected president so we could look at his head all the time.
But of course, you don't have to vote for the Cat Candidate. You can vote for whoever you want.
And, according to my owner, whom I've overheard mention this a thousand times, people who volunteer on Election Day, if not before, are always rewarded…with cute guys.
Yes. Because guys vote. And volunteer. When you volunteer for your party, it's like stepping into a cute guy smorgasbord.
Also, you can help change the country for the better, and all of that.
AHHHH! My owner is getting out of bed! She's disconnecting the cable box herself, she's so sick of seeing naked people! I must publish this post NOW, before she notices I'm using her laptop!!!
Don't forget, cats can't vote or volunteer.
But YOU CAN!!!
SO DO IT!!!!
aka Meg's One-Eyed Cat