Notes from my UK Book Tour
Hallo, as they say in England (or at least, that's how it sounds)! I made it “across the pond” to London where I am typing this in front of a big roaring fire in the “drawing room” of my hotel (I am not even kidding).
Anyway, it was quite a journey getting here, I had to do a big event in Miami right before my flight (a signing for 1400 Barnes and Noble managers at their big annual meeting) and I was so paranoid I wouldn't make my flight, I practically had a heart attack. But I did make it, and then I got to have a fabulous dinner of cheese and apples in the British Airways lounge because there was no time for a proper dinner. But I didn't mind because I was so glad to be there on time for my flight. Then I staggered onto the plane and went straight to sleep, and when I woke up I was in London.
But I was still pretty sleepy so I staggered to my hotel and slept some more. And then I woke up and had tea at the Ritz with my editor, my agent, and my publicist, and I saw a lot of ladies who looked as if they belonged on a gardening show on BBC America. You are not allowed to wear jeans at the Ritz, and I did notice people looking at my pink cowboy boots, but it might have been my imagination. I was still so sleepy I went back to bed right after tea, but not before I watched a brilliant (in the UK they say “Brilliant” a lot. Also, “Cheers.” Anything that isn't “Brilliant” is “naff.” I don't know what the opposite of “Cheers” is) episode of House Doctor. YES!!! A NEW ONE!!! In the US, we only have reruns of this show.
I know you're jealous.
Then I fell into another unconscious stupor until the waiter brought room service for breakfast this morning. I was seized by rage because I thought he had brought it in the middle of the night, but it was really 8AM. I calmed down, ate, dressed, danced to VH1 (for some reason here it's disco in the morning—Village People) and went to Harrod's for my giant PRINCESS DAY signing, where I saw many members of the Meg Cabot Book Club, in addition to hundreds of other readers. It was quite “brilliant.”
Plus the makeup artist Jemma Kid was there giving girls makeovers, and I was quite “chuffed” (British for excited) when she told my own make up, which I'd done myself to “YMCA” in my room, was “quite nice.”
Princess Day lasted a very long time, but I managed to stay awake with lots of tea and milk. But because I drank so much tea and milk, I spent a lot of time in the “loo” (British for Ladies Room) and once when I was in there I saw Helena Bonham Carter. I didn't say anything to her about how she stole Emma Thompson's husband since I don't know the whole story. Maybe it wasn't Helena's fault, or maybe Emma had already dumped Kenneth Brannagh for that hot guy who played Willoughby in Sense and Sensibility. I mean, I don't know, it's enough responsibility to follow US gossip, I can't be expected to follow UK gossip, too. I didn't want to offend anyone, so I just smiled at her and buzzed back to my chair.
Then we had a “brilliant” Princess Tea and you'll never guess who was there with some adorable little girls: Handy Andy from Changing Rooms! I am not even joking! He looked a little uncomfortable since he was only one of two men in the whole room, but he signed autographs quite “gamely” (British for cooperatively).
Anyway, tomorrow in the early morning I'm off to Ilkley which is in Yorkshire which is where, as you know, James Herriott stuck his arm up so many cows' vaginas, so I am quite “chuffed” about going there and possibly even seeing some sheep, as I get very chuffed whenever I see sheep. I don't know if Ilkley has wi-fi in the hotel so I may have to wait to report back on my trip there until I return here to London. But know that I am there, with the sheep and the ghost of James Herriott…not to mention everyone else who lives in Yorkshire now.
Well, I have to go now, they are charging me 30p a minute to be online, which I guess might be quite a lot, but I don't understand the money here. In fact, I only have thirteen dollars in my wallet, since my publisher is very nicely paying for everything. But I imagine I should get some real money soon. I'll just go see what's on TV, I'm hoping to find the Food Channel and see Nigella Lawson, my all time favorite British television personality.
Thanks to everyone reading this who came to Princess Day at Harrods and made it such a huge success, and I hope I'll see some of you in Ilkley soon!