So I've been back in Florida the past few days, after an extended stay in New York and a weekend in Chicago, and I'm sorry to have to tell you that Mary, our resident ghost, is back. I say back because she last put in an appearance several months ago, then disappeared, and I actually thought we were rid of her.
But she is up to her old tricks (opening the kitchen windows, and, lately, the back door). Worse, she's added a new one: ringing the doorbell for no reason.
Well, really, what reason would a ghost HAVE to ring the doorbell?
She likes to do it right before we're heading out, or when people are over. Ding dong. We go to the door. No one there.
Once I was standing BY the door when the bell rang, and I whipped it open…no one there. And no place outside for someone to hide if they HAD been there. So it's not like anyone is dinging and ditching.
I've never shared a house with a ghost before. It's all right, most of the time. I mean, at least Mary has a sense of humor. She seems to just want us to pay attention to her. So we go, “Thanks, Mary,” all sarcastically when she rings the doorbell or leaves the windows open. It's KIND of creepy, but not enough to hire a priest and have an exorcism done, or whatever it is people do when they have a ghost. Because that would just be silly.
I kind of like our ghost. You know, so long as she doesn't start ringing the doorbell in the middle of the night. One thing she does that's KIND of annoying is, when you're watching a scary movie in the living room with the lights out, and it's just at a particularly spooky part, Mary makes the refrigerator in the kitchen fart really loud.
I know refrigerators can't actually fart, but this is the only way to describe the noise that comes from the refrigerator during the scary parts of movies. We are getting a new refrigerator soon, in case it's not Mary that's causing the farting noise, and actually a malfunction. But it will be a while before it arrives.
In the meantime, we are watching scary movies in the bedroom, where we are safe from Mary's affection for flatulence jokes.
Anyway, except for frequent manifestations of Mary, nothing else is going on, since I'm trying to finish All American Girl 2. My new thing is that I have to write ten pages a day, or I can't come inside into the air conditioning. I have to stay outside on my balcony until the ten pages are done. It's been a pretty effective incentive to get those pages done, so far. Although I have kind of funny tan lines, on account of the word processor on my lap.
But whatever. Things are looking up though because today we bought a mini fridge for my bedroom.
I know what you're thinking: she's so lazy, she can't even go down the stairs to get a drink?
But let me tell you, it's a long walk! And when all you want is a Tab, and you're in the middle of a sentence, it can be very distracting to have to go inside the house, through the bedroom, down the hall, down the stairs, past the front door where Mary is usually ringing the bell so you have to stop and see if anyone is there, down ANOTHER hallway, and into the kitchen. How much easier is it to just walk inside, open the mini fridge, and then step back outside? You don't miss a beat. Mission accomplished.
Of course I've always wanted a fridge in my bedroom, but I'm not putting anything in it but drinks. Not like those kids in Escape To Witch Mountain who had the soda fountain in their room, or anything. Although that would be a good idea….
I just hope Mary doesn't get her hands on THIS one. I will be REALLY mad if she starts making the fridge in the BEDROOM fart.
Well, that's it for now. Please come visit https://www.megcabotbookclub.com and register to win a free copy of our book of the month, Miss Smithers, by Susan Juby (sorry, people who live outside the US, I don't have enough money to pay for international postage, what with all the refrigerators I have to keep buying, so right now the contest is only open to US residents. But you can still post on the boards)!