Okay, so we're working on the Advice Blog, and we couldn't help noticing that a lot of you seemed to write in asking the same question:
I Have A Crush: How Can I Tell If He Likes Me Back?
Since so many of you asked this question, we're not going to answer each and every individual one of your letters (people who asked for non-crush related advice: Your answers are coming soon).
Instead, my good friend Dr. Michele Jaffe–PhD from Harvard, peer health counselor, sex ed instructor, charm school teacher, and romantic suspense writer–very generously agreed to compose the following quiz so that you yourself can figure out whether or not Your Crush Likes You Back.
So if you're currently wondering whether or not he likes you, take this quiz, and you'll have the answer.
Dr. Michele Jaffe says:
In the matter of crushing, we girls are severely at a disadvantage for two reasons:
1. We are much more picky than guys
2. We are much more subtle than guys
Basically, according to my guy friends, straight teen aged guys are attracted to almost all members of the opposite sex. That means if a guy is a friend of yours, he probably wouldn't mind stepping that relationship up.
However, he may also feel identically about all the girls who are his friends, so getting him could be a simple matter of who tries. I know this sounds incredible–he likes ANYONE?–but apparently it's really true in many cases. This is what I mean about girls being pickier than guys.
This is a generalization, though, so it's not always true, and there can be mitigating circumstances. For example, if you are a freshman and he is a senior, he may regard you more as a younger sister than as a girlfriend. Not always–think about Mia and Michael–but sometimes. Please keep this in mind if you take our advice, go after the guy, and he turns you down. We can't read the guy's mind, after all.
Since, according to my research, many guys will basically go out with whoever asks first, subtlety can be a disadvantage for girls. Trying to sort out who he likes, asking around, playing mind games and that kind of thing could simply go over his head as hints that you like him. For instance, if you and a group of friends (including your crush) go out one night, and at the end of the night your crush says “Catch ya later,” chances are you will stay up all night analyzing whether:
a. that by 'catch' he meant he *wanted* see you again, and soon, in private
b. that by 'catch' he meant he *never* wanted to see you again, ever
c. by 'later' he meant soon
d. by 'later' he meant in another lifetime
e. by 'ya' he meant you, specifically
f. by 'ya' he meant everyone there
g. by 'ya' he meant that girl you hate, who was standing next to you
h. you'd better IM all your friends and discuss it with them
A guy would NEVER think about these things. If he had loved Britney Spears for a hundred thousand years and Britney said to him 'catch ya later', he STILL wouldn't wonder what she meant by it. He'd just go home and brag that he met her. Probably he'd also think she was hot for him, but that is because most guys think they are basically irresistible.
Anyway, bearing in mind the fundamental differences between girls and guys, we've devised a multiple choice test to help you figure out if he likes you. Get out a pen and paper, and get ready to be illuminated.
How To Find Out if A Guy Likes You, a multiple choice quiz
1. Are you friends already?
a. Yes, close friends
b. We're friendly, but I wouldn't say we're close
c. Not really. I mean, he knows who I am and we've said 'ciao' but we don't hang out
d. We've never actually spoken
2. When you see him in the hall or on the street he:
a. Comes over and says hi
b. Nods to acknowledge you or waves hi from across the way
c. Says hi back if you say it first, but usually looks embarrassed about it
d. Is usually busy talking to his friends and so doesn't see you.
3. How often do you guys have actual conversations?
a. Often, almost every day
b. Sometimes, maybe once a week or less
c. Only when I've gone out of my way to make it happen
d. I chose to admire him from afar only
4. Do you sometimes look up and see him staring at you?
a. Yes, that happens a lot, a few times a week
c. Occasionally, like the time I accidentally started singing “I'm A Rhinestone Cowgirl” in the middle of the cafeteria at lunch to get his attention
d. I try never to look at him so I don't know if he is looking my way. I don't want to be obvious.
5. If you were at a school dance, he
a. Would ask you to dance with him
b. Would stand and chat with you and your friends but not ask you to dance
c. Would ignore you and grind with another girl
d. You/he would never go to a school dance—too lame
6. If you send him a personality quiz on email he
a. Sends you a funny email back
b. Fills it out and sends it back
c. Doesn't fill it out and/or send it back
d. You would never send him an email so this would never happen
7. Does he behave the same way to you when you are alone or on the phone with him as when he does when his friends are around?
b. Pretty much
d. We've never spent any time at all together
8. When you talk in class does he
a. Pay attention and/or tell you what a great job you did later
b. Seem like he's paying attention or at least not seem like he's on Mars
c. Ignores you and passes notes with his friends
d. We don't have any classes together
9. If you are having a bad day, he's most likely to
a. Ask you what's wrong, then listen attentively as you tell him
b. Notice, but not ask why
c. Not notice
d. Not be anywhere close enough to you to tell
10. If you get a new hair cut he
a. Immediately tells you his opinion of it, generally favorably
b. Might ask if you got it cut
c. Probably wouldn't notice
d. Definitely wouldn't notice
4 points for each 'a'
3 points for each 'b'
2 points for each 'c'
1 point for each 'd'
Now total your points.
The good news is: He definitely likes you! Ask him to the dance, or to the movies. If it doesn't end up working out, there's something wrong with HIM, not you. Which leads us to the bad news: He seems a little TOO perfect. Are you sure he's not gay?
There's a very good chance he likes you, but he might need some encouragement. Try inviting him for pizza after school, or to a movie in a group. You need to spend more time dazzling him with your wit and personality until he's adequately smitten.
Hmmm. You should get to know him better, try being in his orbit more, and see if you two even have anything in common. Try joining a club he belongs to, or hanging out at the places he goes to, and see if he starts noticing you. After about two weeks of attempting to hang with him more, if you stil
l like him, take this quiz again, and see if you do better.
It's impossible to say what the situation is here–he may love you and be shy, or he may not even know your name. He may not like girls at all! We can't say, because you hardly know him. Try getting to the point where you are saying 'hi' to each other in the hallway. Then progress to full sentences, and retake the quiz in a few weeks to see how you stand.
Even if you scored a 0 on the quiz, your situation is not hopeless (unless he's gay). You have the power to change things…but it's going to take guts. You're going to have to put yourself out there. Remember how Elle enrolled in law school to get her guy back in Legally Blonde? We're not recommending THAT (well, law school is cool, but NOT to get a guy), but you may have to do something that drastic to get his attention. No, NOT wear a thong with low-rise jeans. Join whatever clubs he belongs to—say, the Chess Club—or hang out where he hangs out. You can still be a feminist and do this, because hey, a little chess never hurt anyone, did it?
Just remember—subtlety is the key. No stalking, no constant emailing, no constant calling, no riding by his house on your bike a million times a day. Nobody likes a desperate person. It's okay to ask a guy out once…but if he says no, the ball's in his court. If he likes you, he'll ask YOU to do something next time. Trust us.
Now get out there and go get him.
Meg (and Michele)