Then the US got knocked out of the World Cup (but congrats, Brazil)!

Then I couldn’t remember where I was when Michael Jackson died, and everyone on the news kept saying NO ONE could forget where they were on this historic day one year ago.

But I did.

So all that left me feeling very overwhelmed and a little blue.

And okay . . . opening my copy of Us Weekly and seeing myself in it (although sadly not on the “Celebs! They’re Just Like Us!” page) was a very nice lift.

OK, I’m not really in it. INSATIABLE is though.

And waking up this morning to see INSATIABLE chosen as a one of Summer’s Hottest Page Turner’s by the Early Show on CBS rocked. John Searles is officially one of my favorite people in the world right now.

Still, when you find yourself with a bad case of the blahs, it can be hard to rally.

I knew exactly what I needed. The fakeness of a Hollywood blockbuster, preferably with explosions! But no one wanted to go to the movies with me this weekend. Why?

The reviews.

It seems like these days a lot of critics are more interested in outsnarking each other than in remembering that some people just want to go to the movies and have fun.

Only the kid movies that have opened this summer have gotten semi-decent reviews, and no one without kids will go see a kid movie with me.

(Which I don’t understand. There’s nothing wrong with going to see a kid movie, such as Toy Story 3, even when you yourself don’t have a kid. Just don’t sit near a kid, so his parents don’t think you’re there to kidnap him.

Although considering the way some kids behave at the movies these days, I’ve had a number of parents look at me desperately, like, “Please, lady . . . abduct my kid. I’m begging you. I don’t want it anymore.” Sorry, no dice. At least my cats know to go number two in their litter box, not on the seat.)

But the adult movies have all gotten horrible reviews. To which I say: Who cares?

If I still listened to reviews, not only would I have driven a stake through my own heart a long time ago, I’d have missed out on some of my favorite movies of all time! Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion? Empire Records? Super Troopers? Grandma’s Boy? These are all cult favorites that got panned by reviewers at the time of their release.

Here is what I know about reviews:

All of my friends who work in the hospitality business in both New York and Key West say that at least 50%, if not more, of the reviews on places like Tripadvisor are actually written by people who either work at that hotel or restaurant, or at a rival establishment.

At first I was shocked when I found that out. Now I’m addicted to the Tripadvisor review wars.

And we know from the great Amazon Canada Review Glitch of 2004 that many reviews on Amazon are actually written by rival authors (or the authors themselves).

Really, how can you not love this?

That said, I cheered myself up this weekend by watching Semi-Pro starring Will Ferrell, which I’d never seen because He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog has an absurd Will Ferrell prejudice.

(Yes. He’s obviously just jealous, because whenever I turn on anything starring Will Ferrell, HWSNBNITB comes slinking into the room, “just to get something.”

“I’m not watching this,” he’ll declare. “I just need to something.” AND YET HE NEVER LEAVES UNTIL THE MOVIE IS OVER.)

That’s because Will Ferrell was sent down to us by Heaven on a very special mission . . . maybe not quite like Mother Theresa, but sort of, considering all the work Will does for Cancer For College, an organization a fraternity brother of his founded that helps pay college tuition for kids who can’t afford it because their parents had to spend all their money on the kid’s cancer treatments.

Every time I’m a little down and one of Will’s comedies, like Talladega Nights or Stepbrothers or Land of the Lost or Semi-Pro or Anchor Man comes on, it cheers me right up. It’s like being touched by a chubby, silly, hairy, dirty little angel who uses the F word and then screams like a girl and rolls around in the dirt.

I know it’s kind of weird. But in the end, you have to admit you liked it.

But if I’d ever actually believed any of the reviews of Will’s movies, I’d never have watched any of them! And then my life would be bereft in so many ways. I’d have missed the bunk bed scene from Step Brothers (if you’ve ever had little brothers, you’ve experienced the “We’ll get so many more activities done with all the extra room!” speech. In fact I believe I once did this with a friend, with similar results.)

And I wouldn’t ever have seen this, considered (by movie goers of taste) one of the most inspiring and moving musical numbers of all time.

So, this is why I try always to ignore the snark and judge things for myself. It’s why I don’t care about the reviews, and want to see Liam “Release The Kraken” Neeson in The A-Team anyway. It’s why I don’t care how big EW says Cameron Diaz’s head looks in Knight and Day.

It’s also why I think we should make a special Oscar category for Best Review. Not the snarky or needlessly mean reviews, but the review that actually makes you want to go see a film.

And for that I would like to nominate this review, which I found on the IMDB page for the movie Wide Sargasso Sea, which I accidentally watched one night when there was absolutely nothing else on.

In case you don’t know, Wide Sargasso Sea is the “prequel” to Jane Eyre. Wide Sargasso Sea was not written by Charlotte Bronte. I have not read the book.

But I defy anyone not to want to see the movie AT LEAST A LITTLE after reading this review:

Wide Sargasso Sea

We watched this in school, my English teacher had no idea why it would be rated R so we just watched it. It was funny because there was so much nudity and sex and stuff. It was great. It got to the point where she had to run up and cover the screen grade school style and I got a kick out of it. Sex is funny! I have nothing against nudity if it’s done right, this is just there for lonely boys … well, anyway. We watched the movie and it’s slow and I really hated “Jane Eyre” so I didn’t like this one much either. If you’re a fan of nudity (all kinds featured here) check it out!

Now THAT is a review.

More later.

Much love,

Meg

Because in times like these—when volcanic ash is spewing all over one part of the world, and oil is gushing up from the ocean in another, and we’re apparently going to be without new episodes of Law and Order (at least, the non-SVU kind) for the first time in 20 years—what we need is fun, pure and simple.

And what’s more fun than a super hilarious spoof of your own book, in book trailer form?

Book trailers are a new (and sadly mostly ignored by the mainstream media) art form.

This is just wrong! Because there are so many ultra terrific book trailers out there (not many of us can get Zack Galifianakis to pose as ourselves in our own book trailers, though we all wish we could), along with some excellently dopey ones (what is wrong with this author?).

With this first book trailer for Insatiable, we (me, filmmaker Brady Hall, and the Harper Team) hoped to meld the super dopey with the ultra terrific, and come up with a new genre of book trailer:

The Super Ultra Excellently Terrific Book Trailer.

Personally, I think we succeeded.

Stay tuned for our next attempt, along with a post about The Behind The Scenes Making of The Insatiable Trailer (in which I Am Tackled a Million Times and People Spit on Me), coming soon, which will include clips such as:

Padding. That is padding he is looking at. On my butt. To protect it. What did you think was going on here???

OMG.

OK, that actually didn’t feel so bad.

This would SO never happen to Nicholas Sparks.

OK.

But wait:

It gets even better! Here’s the Publishers Weekly review (of the book. Not the trailer. Publishers Weekly isn’t reviewing book trailers. Yet)!

Insatiable 
Meg Cabot, Morrow, $22.99 (464p) ISBN 978-0-06-173506-6 


Cabot (Princess Diaries) winningly applies her trademark likably fallible protagonists and breezy storytelling to a vampire war in New York City. TV writer Meena Harper creates fabulous plots for Insatiable, the second-highest–rated soap opera, thanks to her burdensome if lucrative psychic ability to see into the future and determine how people are going to die. And just as Insatiable is switching to a vampire theme to attract a younger demographic, a spate of chilling murders-by-exsanguination grips New York City. Enter Lucien Antonescu, a sexy, melancholic Romanian history professor/vampire who recognizes that the murders are the work of rogue vampires who have broken away from his order. (Lucien happens to be the son of Vlad the Impaler, whom Bram Stoker gave such a bad rep.) Lucien’s opposition: Alaric Wulf, a sympathetic detective from the Palatine Guard, who hopes to use Meena and her prophetic gift to stop the murders and track down Lucien. Unfortunately for Alaric, Meena is a little in love with Lucien. Cabot is less concerned with creating a convincing family tree for Lucien than with creating sparks between her characters, who feel pleasantly natural even as they live alongside the vampires next door. (June)

Whenever I hear the word “breezy,” I always think of Monica from Friends, and that episode where she leaves the message on Tom Selleck’s answering machine, trying to sound “breezy.” But she ruins it by actually saying:


Get This Quote - Find more at TVLoop

I love Monica. Therefore, anytime anyone describes anything I do as “breezy,” I consider it a win. So, BIG HUG, PW.

Although honestly Insatiable took me more than a year of staying up until 3AM to write, with my husband yelling, “It’s THREE IN THE MORNING!”

So there was nothing breezy about actually writing it, I can assure you. But once I got the idea for it, I was possessed. True, my editor is the one who suggested I write a vampire novel. But at the time, I said, “No way!”

Then this dog came into my life, and changed everything.

Find out how here. The ideas wouldn’t stop flowing and . . . well, there I was, at 3AM. For a year.

Stupid dog. More on him later, too.

(For regular readers of this blog: I apologize for not telling you about the dog. There are many things I can’t talk about with you here, either because people close to me don’t want me to, or because they’re just too upsetting to me. The dog fell into the latter category. I try to keep this blog a happy place, not just for you, but for me. So the fact that I’m finally letting you in about the dog now should tell you something: his story ended up with a Happily Ever After. Stay tuned for it.)

Anyway, we’re gearing up for Insatiable’s release by reading Dracula! Yes! You can join our discussion group right here! Win prizes for your insightful vampire-knowledge . . . but most of all, enjoy one of the dishiest, most romantic, creepiest classics ever . . . get Draculed!

Official Slogan of the Dracul, not to be transferred or used for any other purpose than Pure Evil

Finally, congratulations to “M”, who bid over $600 for a signed copy of the Insatiable ARC (I also threw in the first official copy, hot off the press!), as well as Vampire Ken (who’ll play one of the main characters from the book in a future book trailer) at the auction for Do The Write Thing For Nashville.

I had no idea who “M” was. I was sort of suspecting she was my mother.

So you can imagine my surprise (and relief) when “M” contacted me after the auction was over with her mailing address, and I found out I don’t know her at all! She’s actually one of the many extraordinarily generous and kind people who came out to help raise money for TN flood victims.

(I couldn’t believe it when I overslept and lost in my own bidding war for Rachel Vail’s Brilliant! But then I remembered I could donate directly! And pre-order a copy of Brilliant! So I did both!)

So, thank you, “M”! People like you (and all of you who created Do The Write Thing, and donated money, time, and goods to it!) are what’s helping to make this world a better place in its time of greatest need (floods, volcanoes, oil spills, no more Law and Order, etc).

You, and fun new book trailers of course!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go try to get HWSNBNITB to tackle me. It’s actually quite fun (you don’t even need padding if you do it on a bed)!

Uh, that came out wrong. Well, you know what I mean.

More later.

Much love,

Meg

I thought a look behind the scenes might give you a few hints.

Check out my book trailer blooper reel!

As you can see, book trailers are a team effort, with me mostly messing things up (see all the Runaway book trailers here).

Anyway, I’m home now, finally, recovering from what I’m convinced was food poisoning, and someone just called with this great news:

Scott Turow Elected President of the Authors Guild

The lawyer and the queen of teenage lit are in the house!

Scott Turow, the author of “Presumed Innocent” and the coming sequel, “Innocent,” has been elected president of the Authors Guild, a trade group that represents writers, and Judy Blume, the author of the perennial favorites “Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret” and “Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing,” has been elected vice president.

The guild also elected the authors Meg Cabot, Michelle Richmond and T.J. Stiles to its executive council.

Yes, it’s true!

So now instead of just sitting around complaining when I’m upset about something book-and-publishing-related, I’m actually going to be one of the people helping to do something about it (or trying to, anyway)! I’m so excited!

(PS Have you noticed that BN.com no longer has links up to Common Sense Media reviews?)

(Edited May 2: Aaand now the links are back. Interesting.)

I wish I could do something about this oil spill in the Gulf, too.

I’m very worried about our sweet pod of friendly dolphins, our silly pelicans, our manatees, and my friend Captain Bob, who makes his living spear fishing for all our local restaurants here in Key West.

“Drill, baby, drill” doesn’t sound very catchy anymore, does it?

I guess that’s one reason why writers write books: to help people escape their own worries, at least for a few hours (I know that’s why I’m SO glad my copy of the new Precious Ramotswe mystery arrived today).

If you need to read something to get away from YOUR troubles, don’t forget that in addition to Runaway here in the US, the new Mediator double-editions are out in the UK territories.

Mediator 1 and 2

Mediator 3 and 4

Mediator 5 and 6

And tomorrow, May 1, is a very special day:

HRH Princess Mia Thermopolis’s birthday!

Be sure to check Mia’s blog for a special birthday update . . .

. . . like maybe the lyrics to Lana Weinberger’s new hit single, guaranteed to make even a reluctant princess forget her troubles.

More Later.

Much love,

Meg

I feel a bit like I’m on the run myself right now (not from people who want to kill me, so much as from bronchitis), there’s so much going on!

But it’s all good (well, except for the hacking cough and runny nose).

First of all, the blog tour for Runaway begins tomorrow! I know, I totally can’t believe it myself, since the book doesn’t come out until April 20. But that’s actually pretty soon!

I’ll be cyber-visiting these amazing sites (I can’t thank them enough for hosting me. Be sure to stop by to say hi!):

March 31: The Story Siren
April 2: My Friend Amy
April 6: Teen Fashionista
April 8: Luxury Reading
April 12: Pop Culture Junkie
April 14: Bermuda Onion
April 16: Trashionista
April 19: Novelicious
April 21: The Compulsive Reader

Obviously, I’m going to be really tired after all that jet-setting around cyber space.

But guess what? It doesn’t end there!

Because on April 22, we’re going to have a super huge blow-out Twitter Party, hosted by The Book Smugglers!

Why should you stop by and visit these sites? Well, besides the fact that they rock, all of them will be giving away Runaway tidbits (not spoilers, I hope!), like reviews, T-shirts, copies of the book, and—at the Twitter party on April 22—an iPad (I know, I was like, “Where’s mine?”)

Potential quotes from Runaway that could end up on the T-shirt:

“You know your Lamborghini is on fire, right?”

“What you’re experiencing right now is called Stockholm syndrome.”

“So according to the tabloids, I’m on a secret love getaway . . . .”

“Love. Revenge. Profit.”

“Pretty is a patriarchal archetype.”

On the 22, I’ll be in Los Angeles for the LA Times Book Festival (where I plan to go Big Pimpin’ with my homegirls, just to annoy Demi Moore). So don’t miss my in-person tour stops! More details to come soon!

Secondly, I’ll be giving away advanced reader copies of Runaway myself all week, every week, until the book’s release via my contest, Twitter, and Facebook pages. Click on the links below to look for ways to register to win!

Meg’s Facebook page

Meg’s Twitter

Meg’s Contest Page

(PS if you haven’t already, sign up to belong to the Airhead Facebook page.)

Finally, have you seen the new Stark Corporate videos about Project Phoenix?

Wait, you didn’t know Stark hired me as their new spokesperson? Well, now you do:

Just wait until the NEXT Stark Corporate video (it will be up on my YouTube channel next week)! It’s going to blow your mind.

OK, I have to go Tussin up now in preparation for the start of the big tour tomorrow. Although you may not believe this, I swear no Tussin was consumed in the making of the video above.

More later.

Much love,

Meg

(…or not because it was already in Variety….)

Avalon High–Scheduled for a late fall 2010 premiere, this Disney Channel Original Movie, based on the popular novel by Meg Cabot, follows Allie who, after transferring to Avalon High, is shocked to discover that her new classmates are reincarnations of King Arthur and his Court. The deeper Allie searches these interesting parallels between the past and the present, the more sure she is that her school is a contemporary Camelot, and it’s up to her to solve the mystery before the notorious traitor Mordred wins again.

I know, I know. They changed Ellie’s name to Allie. Or maybe that’s a misprint. Who knows? I won’t tell you about the other major change they’re making, because trust me, you’re going to love it.

(And no, it’s not that it’s a musical. But I am BEGGING for that, because Will and Marco, fight-dancing? No, YOU shut up.)

So who will star in the film version of this 2010 Abe Lincoln Award Nominee? No clue!

If I hear any casting news, I’ll let you know (and yes, gazillions of aspiring actresses who write to me, I’ll try to let you know about auditions, but you’re much better off checking with your agent or Variety every day, not me. I’m not attached to this production in any way–see above re: begging for fight-dancing–so I have NO say in casting).

In other news, have you seen the new look my British publisher is giving the Mediator books?

Gorgeous. These books won’t be available until summer, but I can’t wait.

The Mediator movie news is that it’s STILL ON! So keep your fingers crossed!

(And for those of you who keep sending me Mediator scripts, thanks very much, but we have a scriptwriter. Although of course continue to write your own scripts for fun if you want to!)

Well, that’s all the Meg Cabot movie news! Stay tuned for a Best Movie Of All Time Oscar Edition post.

More later.

Much love,

Meg

Now that our relationship is coming to an end, I just want to thank you.

I will admit that things got off to a rocky start between us. All I really knew about you at first was that you were going to pre-empt a lot of my favorite shows (30 Rock, Mercy, etc), which was irritating.

Plus, there was that whole luge thing.

So yes, things were tense between us there for a while.

See, I’m not super into sports. I grew up in basketball country with a brother who is six foot eight inches tall.

Let me translate for those of you who only speak geek:

That’s like living in the middle of a Quidditch field with a sibling who was born with a flying broom coming out of his butt.

For a while growing up, I thought the only way I’d ever get any attention was to play basketball myself. I tried out and actually got on the girl’s team! I was super excited to be cast (is that the right word?) as a forward.

To me, being a forward meant looming over the person I was guarding (I’ve been 5’8” since 6th grade) and not letting her get the ball (that’s what the coach told me to do), while also trying to chat her up about French braiding (Coach didn’t mention this as a necessary part of the job, but I’m naturally outgoing).

I once overheard my coach bemoaning the fact that “Cabot would be good if she’d only hustle.” I took this as a major compliment.

It wasn’t until we played our first game that I found out the coach had not actually meant it as a compliment, and also how important it was to WIN!

My teammates were all about WINNING! They were NOT interested in discussing French braiding with our opponents, but in snapping the backs of their bras and elbowing them repeatedly in the solar plexus.

I was so horrified, I quit on the spot and never played competitive sports again. I did not want to WIN if WINNING meant behaving like a nasty little butt monkey.

I thought I’d escaped competitive sports forever when I moved to New York City. But I was wrong.

I’m now married to the world’s biggest Indiana basketball fan. Sigh.

That’s OK, though. To misquote U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens on FX’s new show Justified, people are entitled to their hobbies.

Just I am entitled to make my own money so I can buy my own television and put it in another room so I can change the channel and not see other people doing their hobbies, such as competitive sports.

Which brings me to this:

Without you, Olympics, I would never have discovered that not all athletes behave like those little hooligans on my middle school basketball team.

I was super moved by the brave performance of Joannie Rochette, that Canadian skater whose mom died of a heart attack when she arrived in Vancouver.

And watching Julia Mancuso become the most-medaled women’s American Olympic skier ever was amazing!

It’s always heart-warming to see someone achieve a life-long dream after years of hard work and training (and, probably, hustling).

(And did I mention all those funny new shows that I normally wouldn’t have watched, like The Middle and Modern Family, which I discovered while changing the channel in order to avoid watching the Olympics whenever it was showing men’s sports which, really, I can’t relate to, and no, I won’t apologize for that? My mom always said Modern Family is amazing, but I just never got a chance to watch it before now. So yay!)

So, thank you, Olympics, for everything. You rock. I’m sorry I ever doubted you.

And I bet you’re a way awesome French braider, too.

More later.

Much love,

Meg

He already has a broken ankle.

So, living with him has been a little bit like living with one of those monkeys at the zoo. You know, the ones who look all cute and cuddly at first? But then when you get up close to the cage to take their picture…

…they throw their own poop at you.

That’s why updates to this blog have been a bit sporadic lately.

But it hasn’t been all bad:

Because at night after I’ve tucked him safely into bed, I’ve been watching some majorly bad TV movies. Like, so bad, they’re almost kind of good.

You think you have problems? Like your life is spinning out of control?

You obviously haven’t seen Kirstie Alley’s made-for-TV movie Family Sins.

This may just be the best bad movie ever made. I seriously can’t believe Kirstie Alley didn’t get an Emmy for this. She was totally robbed.

I have to admit I tuned in late, so the police were already banging on Kirstie’s door (Big Kirstie Alley, not Skinny Kirstie Alley. So I knew right away it was going to be good).

Kirstie was going, “Why are you here? I haven’t done anything!”

And I for one totally believed her, because, whatever, dude: It was Big Kirstie Alley! Just look at her! She looks so nice and squeaky clean!

But then the cops used bolt cutters to break a lock on a door in her basement.

And WTF!

Inside, sitting in the dark, was greasy-haired Chloe, aka Dr. Susan Lewis’s crackhead sister from ER!

I was so surprised! I was like, Big Kirstie Alley…how could you?

Then I found out the tag line for ‘Family Sins’ is The world saw them as the perfect family. The law found some perfect criminals.

Well, I guess so!

It turns out Kirstie Alley, who presented herself to the outside world as a responsible suburban mom and business woman (she was a landlady), was keeping Crackhead Chloe as a human slave!

Kirstie would make Crackhead Chloe fold all the towels, and then would only feed her every three days or so!

And that’s not all:

Kirstie also took away Crackhead Chloe’s daughter (this is all revealed right from the beginning in a flashback) and Crackhead Chloe’s daughter was the one who finally escaped (with her own kid) and called the cops (but not the cops in town, because they were all Kirstie’s friends)!

There were also some crazy rapey things going on with Kirstie’s sons and husband (so it was totally unclear to me who the father of Crackhead Chloe’s daughter was. But the words “Secret Santa” in Big Kirstie’s house must have taken on a whole new meaning)!

Also, Kirstie adopted dozens of foster children and turned them into an army of little shoplifters! She also recruited them to break into the homes she rented out and steal stuff from her own tenants that she would then sell at yard sales at her own house!

And then she’d burn her own rental properties down for the insurance money!

Kirstie was like a modern day Fagin from Oliver Twist…only in Juicy Couture sweat pants! Size 16!

Here’s a clip to show you how completely awesome Kirstie Alley is in this film:

Obviously this is the best Bad Movie ever made….

…especially since it’s based on a true story.

Oh, shut up. You knew that was coming. Yes. It’s a true story. On crystal meth. And I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

In fact, you can’t go onto a message board (IMDB, Lifetime, what have you) without finding posts there written by actual members of the actual family portrayed in this movie, saying it was way worse in real life than the movie shows!

I was kind of torn over which was my favorite part. It might have been when Crackhead Chloe said, “Say hi to Kenny!” (her rapist, against whom her daughter was about to testify in court).

Seriously. THE BEST.

But probably the best (by which of course I mean the worst) part of the whole movie is when Kirstie Alley is awaiting trial in jail, and she just watches as her own daughter gets the snot beat out of her by a bunch of other lady prisoners.

The daughter is screaming (cue Southern accent): “Mama! Mama, help! Help, Mama, help!”

And Kirstie doesn’t do anything. She just smiles off into the distance, and gnaws on a chicken leg.

Okay, it’s possible I’m only imagining the part about the chicken. But that would have been so awesome.

But the smile is still great, even without the chicken bone.

See Family Sins as soon as you can. It will cure whatever ails you.

More later.

Much love,

Meg

PS All monkey and chicken products pictured on this post can be purchased at my favorite site to visit whenever I’m feeling blue, Archie McPhee.

Me, too!

I haven’t seen Avatar yet because there aren’t any 3-D screens in my area, and all my friends who’ve seen it say you have to see Avatar in 3-D (on an Imax screen).

But I DID see the following:

One Minute Movie Reviews

Up In The Air

I loved this movie so much! I wouldn’t exactly call it a romantic comedy…and okay, there was a twist I totally didn’t see coming.

But Up In The Air definitely didn’t leave me feeling down in the dumps.

Up In The Air =

It’s Complicated

John Krasinski is so funny in this, and of course Meryl Streep’s house is to die for.

But I am apparently the only woman in America who was a little bit bothered by the scene where Meryl’s character casually changes the bottle on her kitchen water cooler as she’s chatting away with one of her romantic interests.

Hello! Those water bottles are really, really heavy (I know, I have a water cooler in my house, and I also used to have to change the one in the office where I used to work all the time).

I’m not saying Meryl should have been Liz Lemon-esque incompetent at changing the bottle on her water cooler. We women can do anything men can do (usually better).

But the guy she’s with didn’t even offer to help her!

I’ve been told by everyone else who has seen this film that I Need To Let The Water Bottle Go.

BUT I CANNOT. I still can’t believe he didn’t even offer.

It’s Complicated =
(really, this is two and a half until someone explains what was up with the water bottle)

(500) Days of Summer:

I know everyone already saw this movie last summer. But I was afraid to see it because (AND THIS IS NOT A SPOILER) I heard the couple in it break up.

But guess what? That wasn’t a spoiler because they’re ALREADY broken up from the minute the movie starts!

So don’t worry! I’m sorry I was prejudiced against this movie. I loved it! There was even a DANCE NUMBER!

So delicious.

500 Days of Summer =

Julie and Julia

This movie was SO GOOD. I actually read the book the movie is based on and loved it, too.

Amy Adams plays Julie Powell, who wants to make something of her life by cooking every recipe in Julia Childs’ Mastering the Art of French Cooking cookbook, then blogging about it.

Meanwhile, Meryl Streep plays Julia Child, the only woman (and American) enrolled in the all-male Cordon Bleu cooking school in post-war France, who then goes on to write Mastering the Art of French Cooking.

The only problem is, I heard Julie Powell has written a true-life pseudo sequel, in which she and her husband cheat on each other.

Amy Adams had this to say about it: Not MY Julie Powell!

Not mine either.

Julie and Julia =

Bruno

This is the dirtiest movie ever! Do NOT watch it with your mom! Or anyone who might be offended by large close-ups of singing, dancing male genitalia!

I was shocked, SHOCKED, I tell you. And I loved every minute of it.

Bruno =

The Hurt Locker

This movie got SUPER SCARY in the first five minutes. I was so scared, I had to turn it off.

But then my friend Beth said, “No, it will be all right, just watch,” so I did. And I’m glad I did because it was SO GOOD.

Plus, it has a woman director.

Some actual bomb squad veterans are saying it isn’t an “accurate” depiction of bomb defusing in Iraq, which I’m sure it’s not!

But obviously the screenwriter, who rode along with a bomb unit in Iraq for a time, had to make the story more dramatic for cinematic purposes, since it’s fiction, not a documentary.

To be completely honest, Romancing the Stone is not an accurate depiction of what it’s like to be a romance writer. But it’s still an OK movie.

Although nowhere near as good as The Hurt Locker, of course.

The Hurt Locker =

Well, I have to go now, because I just got District 9 and JCVD in the mail (what? You’ve never heard of JCVD? You will soon).

One Minute Movie Reviews on them coming soon!

More later.

Much love,

Meg

I know I have a husband with a broken ankle who needs me.

I know Christmas is coming and there’s holiday decorating (and shopping) to do.

I know I have other deadlines.

But people: It’s Fa La La La Lifetime on the Lifetime Movie Channel.

Who runs Lifetime, anyway? It has to be the devil.

Because every time I turn around, there’s another fantastic Christmas tragedy (averted at the last minute by the holiday spirit…or a snow plow) to keep me from doing all the things I need to get done!

Like this:

Jim and Suzanne struggle to stay alive when they’re lost on a mountain after a blizzard in the Lifetime Original Movie, Lost Holiday: The Jim and Suzanne Shemwell Story.

Oh, yeah, baby. That is my kind of Christmas movie.

Or like Holiday in Your Heart, written by and starring Leann Rimes:

Bernadette Peters plays a diabetic country music singer who’s trapped in a blizzard in a bus accident next to a blind old man who shares his insulin with her….

…until the morning, when she realizes he’s (SPOILER ALERT):

Stone cold dead.

And also, he’s her LONG LOST FATHER.

It could happen.

Or The Christmas Hope, in which Madeleine Stowe plays a social worker whose grief over the death of her teenage son is causing her marriage to airline pilot, James Remar, to fall apart.

So when she takes in a little girl whose mom has been run over, we pretty much assume the adorable kid is going to bring them back together.

(They always do.)

But then Ian Ziering (YES! Of 90210) AND a mysterious video BOTH show up with very special Christmas messages…

…from the dead!

(This actually didn’t turn out to be as dishy as I was hoping. No EMTs had to be called, although there was a drunk uncle who threatened to want custody of the kid, so that was exciting for about five minutes.)

But wait! It’s not all survival and sob stories. Some of our Fa La La La Lifetime heroines are getting:

Sigh. I wish I could get one of those for Christmas…

…just to do all my errands, of course! So I can keep on watching all these incredibly dishy movies.

A Christmas curse on you, Fa La La La Lifetime!

Goodbye for now. I have to go watch more Christmas survival stories.

More later.

Much love,

Meg

Ha, no, I didn’t go to New Moon last night at 12:01. I was doing what I’m always doing lately at 12:01AM: waiting for my Ambien to kick in and going, “Why don’t they have Say Yes To The Dress on On Demand?”

If you’re doing NaNoWriMo right now, you were probably doing the same thing at 12:01AM last night (unless you were actually working on your book. But I’m more of a 9-5er. Well, 10-6er, let’s be honest).

November is a cruel month to writers! We have so many deadlines, and no time to go to the movies…

…but there are so many awesome movies coming out!

I can’t see New Moon because I still haven’t seen Twilight (I know, I know…but unless it has giant explosions in it or it’s playing at Judy Blume’s husband’s independent theater, I wait to see everything on HBO or Starz. Because why else am I paying so much for these channels?)

But if the book fairies came and finished all my manuscripts overnight and I COULD go to the movies right now, I would be sure to see this new George Clooney romantic comedy about a man who goes around the country firing people, and then falls in love:

(Although if I find out he doesn’t get the girl at the end, I am totally not seeing this.)

And I would also go see the Fantastic Mr. Fox, starring George Clooney (is he in everything? Not that that’s a bad thing) and Meryl Streep as adorable little foxes (and Bill Murray as a badger).

(I have it on fairly good authority that this movie has a happy ending.)

And even though it looks hopelessly corny and no one I know would ever go see it with me in a million years, I would love to see the cheesefest that is The Blind Side starring Sandra Bullock.

(I KNOW this one ends happily, people, because it’s a true story: You can read about Michael Oher and the Tuohys, the couple who adopted him, here on Wikipedia!)

Plus, let’s face it, who doesn’t love Sandra Bullock? Even Janine Lindemulder, the adult-film star ex-wife of Sandra’s custom chopper-making husband, Jesse James (against whom Jesse is currently embroiled in a custody battle over their little daughter, Sunny) admits she just wants want to sit down and talk with Sandra.

Me too! Sandra, who does your hair?

Janine was recently released from jail for tax evasion, even though according to her website (what? Of course I read it!), Janine says JESSE is the one who ratted her out to the IRS after he left her for Sandra (while Janine was seven months pregnant with Sunny).

FYI, Janine’s current husband is a convicted felon with weapons, alcohol, and drug manufacturing charges…see photos of him here!

Here are some tips for Jesse, Janine, and Sandra during this hard time (from which I think we could all benefit):

1) Think twice about getting a tattoo on your face: It won’t wash off the way that poorly chosen eyeshadow from Walgreens did.

2) Don’t do a drug that is manufactured anywhere but in a lab that has ticker information on the New York Stock Exchange.

3) If you were in a high-grossing romantic comedy which co-starred Ryan Reynolds, and the mother of your husband’s child was in an adult film which co-starred Erik Estrada, you may just want to stay out of the ensuing custody battle altogether.

Advice we can all live by!

You know what? They should totally make a movie about this custody battle! I’d go see it.

Although personally, I’d wait until it came out on HBO. Unless they put some explosions or some fox puppets in it…which given the above details, might actually happen in real life.

You know I’ll keep you posted!

More later.

Much love,

Meg