Be it

What I’m loving Right Now

Okay, so, yeah, I went a little bananas because it’s back-to-school time and I just realized one of my nieces is starting kindergarten.

She’s old enough for school supplies!

So I accidentally went to the online Disney Store and accidentally bought her this:

Which opens up to look like this:

But how much would you have loved that when you were five? Come on, you would have died for that.

(It comes in a Tinkerbell version, too, which I sent to her sister so she wouldn’t feel left out).

I’m also loving:

These shoes from Kate Spade:

Okay, maybe they aren’t that practical but who cares! They’re so princessy.

I’m also loving:

Mercy Corps!

A few weeks ago I read such a touching story in the NY Times about women fighting against being oppressed in their native country by the very people who should have been helping them that I picked up the phone and made a donation to their organization on the spot (the spot being my breakfast table).

You can help, too, just by making this book your book club pick of the month:

“A country can’t grow and be stable if half the population is marginalized.”

What a powerful message! Half the Sky is a book devoted to women in the developing world…because if you want to fight poverty and extremism, you need to educate and empower women!

What better book for you book club? Click here to find out how you can get a moderator’s kit, register your book club, and host your own fundraiser in your community now! (You can also just buy the book for yourself.)

But I’m not all about the serious stuff. I’m also loving:

Pamela Redmond Satran’s How Not To Act Old!

This book was so much fun I sent a copy to my mom for her birthday (who loved it) last week. It’s not really a guide on how to act 25—it’s a series of short satirical pieces that make fun of twenty-somethings AND fifty-somethings (and over).

And it’s absolutely hilarious.

Finally, I’m also loving:

Gorgeous by Rachel Vail which I finally got around to reading, and which was just a heavenly delight.

Rachel’s heroine wishes she could be pretty (in fact, she sells her cell phone to the devil in exchange for being pretty).

And you know what? She gets to be pretty!

Sure, she makes some dumb mistakes (like we all do), but nothing bad happens to her (well…some bad things do happen to her, or there wouldn’t be a book…duh).

But she’s really snarky and believable and I just loved her (and I really loved the boy she’s crushing on) and the way the story is resolved.

But I especially loved that she just wanted to be pretty, without being shallow. Who doesn’t want to be pretty? I mean, it seems like it would just make life easier, you know?

(I wish I could look like my author photo every day, but THAT’S not going to happen, unless a mega talented makeup artist, hairstylist, and photographer started following me around all day every day.)

But anyway, back to Rachel Vail: I love that she just gets it.

(And I’m not just saying this because Rachel and I recently went on the Deadline Diet together. In fact, I’m actually a little mad at Rachel because she beat me to the finish line and already handed her new book in. So, my saying her book is good is HUGELY nice of me, considering the fact that I actually hate her a little right now.)

And now I have to stop loving other stuff so much and get back to work loving the book I’m working on (which I really do love. Well, sometimes).

More later.

Much love,

Meg

Meg's Diary

Knowing and The Day the Earth Stood Still, plus The Best Cat Video Ever

I had a LOT of people write in with suggestions since I posted that I’d be writing about my search for the Best Movie of All Time.

I just want you to know that I’ve seen most of the movies you suggested and yes, you’re right: they’re all very good, and definitely BMOAT contenders.

But right now I have to write about the movies Knowing and The Day the Earth Stood Still.

The other night our friend Bob was visiting from NYC and we decided to watch a movie on pay-per-view. But we couldn’t agree what movie to watch.

Bob and I wanted to watch The Day the Earth Stood Still starring Mr. Keanu Reeves.

Scene from The Day The Earth Stood Still, in which Manhattan is threatened with being blown up. Manhattan blows up in three of the 5 movies I have seen lately. Why so much Manhattan hate, writers? Is it because all the editors live there?

But He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog wanted us all to go out to his men’s den (aka the pool house where Ryan from The OC is going to live someday when I am Kelly Rowan) and listen to The Grateful Dead.

Bob and I looked at each other and said, “Okay, how about if we watch Knowing starring Mr. Nicholas Cage?”

So HWSNOBNITB said OK.

This is the miracle of Nicolas Cage: Men who would rather be in their men’s den listening to The Grateful Dead will agree to watch him in anything. Even Ghost Rider!

Nicolas Cage in Moonstruck, a BMOAT. ‘Bring me the big knife!’

And that is why I love Nicolas Cage and hope he goes on making movies FOREVER.

But then last night when no one was home I watched The Day The Earth Stood Still by myself.

Here a few things you need to know for your future survival on this planet, according to Knowing and The Day the Earth Stood Still:

1. If aliens come down to Earth, it’s going to be all about the children. Either the children are going to save us all from destruction, or all of us except a few of the children are going to be killed.

Notice Manhattan blowing up in this poster. Editors, you are all now dead. Don’t look at me! I didn’t have anything to do with it!

2. It’s much more entertaining to watch the earth get destroyed than it is to watch it get saved! So if you have a choice, watch Knowing. WAY more special effects, and the story is much scarier. Plus, like I said, Nicolas Cage.

3. The earth never does stand still in The Day the Earth Stood Still so it’s sort of false advertising. It would SUPER COOL if it did. Like, probably tectonic plates would break off and splash into the ocean and buildings would fall down and stuff!

But this never occurs in TDTESS, so don’t get your hopes up like I did. If you want to see stuff like that, watch Knowing.

(Or wait for the movie 2012!)

4. Nakedness: You do sort of get to see Keanu Reeves naked but I don’t think it was really him. I smell a body double. Nicolas Cage takes a shower but you don’t see anything. There aren’t really any romances in either of these movies so don’t expect anything there, ladies.

Best Movie Of All Time Approval Matrix Score:
Knowing:
Two tiaras

Day the Earth Stood Still:
One tiara for the beginning, which was good. Tiaras deducted for getting progressively less good

Basically, if I were going to spare the earth from destruction, it wouldn’t be because of the children. It would be because of this:

The above might actually be a BMOAT. I give it four tiaras!

More later.

Much love,

Meg

Meg's Diary

Life After Labor

Yes! I’ve got deadlines!

I know, I know, who doesn’t?

At least, all my writer friends do. We’ve been burning up the Internet, going:

“How many words do you have left? What chapter are you on? Do you think I can get away with a fifty page flashback? What about a two hundred page flashback? Should I just make the whole book a flashback? Do vampires poop? Will you write my sex scene for me? Do vampires wear underwear? If they don’t poop, then why do they wear underwear? Isn’t underwear to protect your clothes from…you know? I need a name for my fictional hair styling salon. What do you mean, Wrapsody is a bad name for a hair styling salon? My cat sat on my computer and I lost three pages!” etc.

Yeah. Writers are weird.

Rachel Vail and I have even come up with our new, patented Deadline Diet™. I can’t tell you what’s in it because it’s extremely unhealthy and I don’t want to encourage any of you to follow our lead (hint: ice cream for breakfast is involved).

I haven’t left my house in so long I don’t know what air feels like on my skin anymore.

I watched the movie Stepbrothers and I cried because it seemed like such a moving triumph of the human spirit.

I watched this Taylor Swift video and I cried because it seemed like such a moving triumph of the human spirit.

I watched this video of the wedding party making their big joyous entrance to the church and I cried because it seemed like such a moving triumph of the human spirit.

I woke my husband’s cat Gem up to give her breakfast and she meowed three times in confusion and I cried because it seemed like such a moving triumph of the human spirit.

I can’t stop watching the trailer for District 9 because I want to see the movie so badly! I hope it will be a moving triumph of the human spirit.

Oh, yeah, and at lunch when I take breaks from writing, I’ve been watching recorded episodes of Sixteen and Pregnant (including “Life After Labor” with Dr. Drew. I love him so much. Did you see him talk about how hard breast feeding is? WOW. I mean I knew because friends have told me, but I didn’t KNOW).

I’m sure there are some people who will see this show and come away just going, “Babeeez! So cute!!!”

That’s why I think this is such an important show for parents and educators to watch and then discuss with their tweens/teens!

Since eight out of ten baby daddies never marry the mothers of their children, it needs to be pointed out that Sixteen and Pregnant is kind of an unrealistic portrayal of teen pregnancy….

…especially since five out of the six dads on this show have stuck with the mothers of their kid…at least for now! One of the baby daddies got dumped before the baby was ever born.

And I suspect that a couple of the baby daddies on this show stuck around because of fan pressure after the show aired.

What I thought the show did a good job of portraying was: These are kids having kids and the reason they had kids was because they did not use birth control. At. All (it didn’t fail. They just didn’t use it, period).

And the kids themselves sat there on “Life After Labor” and were like, “Yeah. Please don’t be like us. Use birth control.” And, “We could never go to our parents about things like birth control. It won’t be like that with our kid.”

So I thought it was a really good series for parents and their kids (and teachers) to discuss, since it could lead to some valuable sex ed talks at the dinner table or riding home from soccer practice or in class or whatever.

Here is an example of how my fantasy sex talk with my imaginary kids (whom someone will foolishly leave me in their will, since I’m never having kids) will go (PS this talk will occur right before I stick all the kids in boarding school until they’re 18):

Mom, while driving to soccer practice: “Who wants to go on the pill? Not that you’re having sex now, or are even thinking about it, and of course if you were, you’d use a condom too because the pill doesn’t protect you from STD’s. But maybe you just want to clear up your skin, have less cramps, decrease your chances of developing ovarian cysts and fibroids, and lower your risk of getting endometrial and ovarian cancer by as much as seventy percent*! Shall we schedule an appointment with Dr. Hall?”

Girls: “OMG Mom you’re embarrassing us!”

Mom: “You know, they have a new pill now that helps with PMS. I really think you could all use it, because there’s some real mood swings going on in this house during certain times of the month, let me tell you.”

Girls: “Mo-om! Seriously. What do you know? You don’t even know how to drive. Why are you behind the wheel anyway?”

Mom: “That’s it. We’re all going on Yaz! Someone call Dr. Hall. I don’t know how to use my new iPhone, either.”

Thank you. No applause please.

(* Statistically proven benefits of the pill. It’s true, I’m biased. I’m one of the people who’ve enjoyed all these benefits since I was teenager…just like Serena van der Woodsen! She and I have so much in common. Well, actually, now that I think about it, that’s the only thing we have in common. Ooh, except that I love shopping. And Chuck! Oh, wait, that’s Blair….)

Okay, but not joking at all, some of those kids on “Sixteen and Pregnant” really are examples of moving triumphs of the human spirit (watch “Life After Labor” to see how much some of them have had to grow up just in the short time since the series ended). I can’t tell you how much I cry every time I see the Tyler and Catelynn episode, where they give their baby up for adoption. Seriously, Juno has nothing on that episode.

OK, have to get back to work. DEADLINES are calling.

Someday I will have a Life After Labor, but what’s going to come out will be a book.

Which is good because I won’t have to change any diapers or worry about it getting pregnant.

More later.

Much love,

Meg

Meg's Diary

Mother-Daughter YA Reads/NPR

Check it out! I’m going to be on National Public Radio’s “Talk of the Nation” this Thursday, July 23, along with Lizzie Skurnick (“Shelf Discovery”), from 3 to 3:40 p.m. Be sure to tune in (okay, yeah, that’s NPR, and yeah, that’s TODAY)!

We’re going to talk about YA Mother-Daughter reads!

I’ve told you my mom used to call the school and tell them I was “sick” whenever there was going to be an Audrey Hepburn or Leslie Caron movie playing on Channel 4.

Well! This was in the days before video recorders and DVDs!

One of my favorite mother-daughter reads is actually Daddy Long Legs (hey! It’s a Puffin Classic!), which was made into a movie starring Leslie Caron. My mom and I used to stay home and watch it together. SO GOOD!

If you haven’t watched/read it, you MUST! It’s epistolary, much like my “Boy” books. You could even say it inspired them. Thanks, Mom!

And Dads, I actually remember bringing home some books from the library and my dad stealing them. Like The Man Without a Face (the book is WAY better than the Mel Gibson movie), and one of the YA books in “Shelf Discoveries”–Robert Cormier’s “I Am The Cheese.”

This book is not about cheese. The kid in the book is on his own. It’s super scary.

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD BOOK! I suggest President Obama read “I Am The Cheese” with Malia next…NOT “Twilight,” which I heard a rumor he was thinking about reading with her now that they were done with the Harry Potter series. I really hope for Malia’s sake he reconsiders this. There’s nothing more embarrassing than reading a romance novel with your DAD.

This reminds me of this guy I knew who wore socks with sandals and had daughters and no TV and who would make make them read teen romances like “Twilight” and “Flowers in the Attic” with him as part of “family time.” EW! I felt so SORRY for those girls.

Please, Mr. Obama! Don’t be that guy!

I met some great mothers and daughters who were enjoying some bonding time like the kind my mom and I had playing hooky from school while I was at the Betsy-Tacy convention this past week, where I gave the closing speech:

Check it out: You can see me, and part of the convention, covered on the local news!

I signed tons of books, and got to meet so many fantastic readers, and even some of the characters from the books.

Me with Aunt Ruth!

I even got to go to Betsy’s house:

(Really, it’s the author, Maud Hart Lovelace’s real life house, lovingly restored by the Betsy-Tacy Society, with donations!)

They restored Tacy’s house, across the street, as well!

It was such a thrill to be able to walk in the footsteps of such beloved characters (and a real life author)!

And all of the convention organizers and attendees were so nice to me, and gave me such lovely gifts. And I bought tons of Betsy swag at the gift shoppe! It was so great! I can’t thank them enough…or wait to go again next time!

And I had a great time going on KARE-11 (you can watch it here if you missed it) and visiting with Corbin, one of my favorite newscasters of all time!

Plus, I got to get airbrushed with makeup for going on high-def. If you’ve never done this, you HAVE to. It was so fun, and it lasted all day with NO TOUCH-UPS. It was RAD! I want to buy my own airbrush machine. I LOVE KARE-11!

OK, I have to go brush up on my YA classics now (such a hardship). I just love thinking about Louis Duncan’s GIFT OF MAGIC, and THE CAT ATE MY GYM SUIT by Paula Danziger, and THE WITCH OF BLACKBIRD POND, and Richard Peck’s GHOSTS I HAVE BEEN, and THE WOLVES OF WILLOUGHBY CHASE…GAH!

(Hint: Don’t read this one with your dad either. HOT romance!)

So many great books! I can’t wait until my nieces are old enough to read!

See you on NPR!

More later.

Much love,

Meg

Meg's Diary

Shelf Discoveries and Dork Secrets

Check it out: I made it to Minnesota!

Maybe you thought I wouldn’t make it here after being stranded by Delta Airlines in Atlanta (or Hotlanta, as I like to call it, after the book series).

But Delta pulled through with flying—ha, get it, flying?—colors. Even my bag arrived on time (albeit on another flight)!

(Don’t you hate it when you get really mad about something and then people are totally nice to you and you can’t be mad at them anymore? UGH!)

Now I’m in Mankato. Those of you who grew up watching Melissa Gilbert on Little House on the Prairie (those of you who didn’t, pay attention, this is important: it involves a hot guy) know that this is where Laura used to go to get store bought dresses. Also where she finally got Almanzo to notice she wasn’t “Half-Pint” anymore.

Important! Huge romantic plot development!

“Little House” was totally my favorite TV show way into high school, something my best friend and I kept a dark “dork” secret from everyone else we knew, along with the fact that we had “Jane Eyre” paper dolls and complete crushes on Sam Neill from the movie My Brilliant Career.

In high school we could never understand why Judy Davis chose writing instead of him. I still don’t, frankly..

Anyway, I’m in Mankato, after speaking and signing at the Red Balloon in St. Paul today, where I met many fantastic Minnesotans (and some people from out of state), including Bridgette and Brittany, who arrived in these amazing handmade Airhead and Being Nikki Tees (UK version):

Bridgette and Brittany rule.

And guess what? Mankato is also the birth place of Maud Hart Lovelace, and the place where she set the fictional home of her heroine Betsy Ray! She called it Deep Valley.

Maud’s books are the ones I’ll be talking about at the Alltel Convention Center tomorrow for the Betsy-Tacy Convention….

…whose organizers have completely spoiled me by putting me up in the nicest hotel room! There is a serious danger I may never be able to stay in a normal hotel room again. Thanks, Forget-Me-Nots!

If you’re in the Mankato area, stop by tomorrow:

Monday, July 20th

11 AM – 12PM

Alltel Convention Center

1 Civic Center Plaza

Mankato, MN

(I’ll actually be signing from 10-10:30 and 12-12:30, speaking from 11-12.)

And now, for those of you who recognized my “Little House,” Betsy, and “My Brilliant Career” references–and even those who didn’t–something you’re guaranteed to love:

Out on Tuesday, July 21, for the first time ever, Lizzie Skurnick’s collection of essays (including one I wrote about why I’ve always loved Judy Blume!) Shelf Discovery: The Teen Classics We Never Stopped Reading.

You can browse inside the book here, join the facebook page for Shelf Discovery here, or visit the original column Lizzie writes for Jezebel, “Fine Lines” (which is how I discovered her) here.

I don’t think there’s a section on Betsy in the book (I haven’t had a chance to read the whole thing yet, since I just got my copy!), but there’s just about every other heroine you ever loved as a kid….

…plus entries by Jennifer Weiner, Laura Lippman, Cecily von Zeigesar, and more!

I was really freaking out over writing my essay on Judy Blume. I was like, “What if Judy reads this?” It’s one thing to give a speech on Maud Hart Lovelace here in Mankato…I don’t have to worry if she doesn’t like it…Maud’s no longer with us!

(Although at one point when I was packing to come here, I was like, “Oh, I better pack my Betsy books so Maud can sign them…” That’s how “current” her books feel, even though they’re set at the turn of the century! If Maud–and Betsy–were alive, they’d totally be texting, Twittering, and blogging! And Betsy would be in BIG trouble for blogging about something totally inappropriate.)

I don’t even remember what I wrote about Judy, and in my usual fashion, I can’t find the original essay now, since I have so many files called JUDY.DOC.

So you’ll have to get a copy and tell me! I’m pretty sure Judy will like it. (It’s kind of like writing about the Queen though.)

Okay, I’m going to be my typical dork self and read some Betsy and go to bed now. See you tomorrow!

More later.

Much love,

Meg

Meg's Diary

Bedlam at Gate 10

Hi! I am stuck in the Atlanta Airport (Gate E10, to be exact) after being stuck at the Key West airport for approximately four hours earlier today with an entire Cub Scout Troop.

(I felt so sorry for the troop leader, I wanted to offer him a Vicodin. But then I was like, “Oh, no, if he’s out of it, then who will protect the rest of us from them?”)

And now my bag is lost. And I am losing battery power on my laptop as I write this. And there are no more plugs. And I have a bunch of stuff due, like, now. And there are five small (seeming unrelated to one another) children screaming next to me.

Where I’m trying to get is Minneapolis in time for my signings there tomorrow and Monday.

Tomorrow (Sunday) I’ll be speaking and signing books from 2PM-4PM at

Red Balloon Children’s Bookstore
891 Grand Avenue
St. Paul, MN 55105
Tel: 651-224-8320

I know it’s a children’s bookstore, but don’t worry if you’re not a kid…we’re all kids at heart! Don’t lie and pretend you didn’t go to Harry Potter this weekend (and loved every minute of it, especially all the snogging.)

(I promise the children at Red Balloon are better behaved than the ones around me right now.)

And yes, bringing books from home for me to sign is fine.

But it’s always polite to buy a book from the store while you’re there so the bookseller hosting the signing makes a little $ in these hard times. Surely you know someone having a birthday or have a little early Christmas shopping to do.

And on Monday I’ll be speaking and signing from 11AM-Noon at

Alltel Convention Center
1 Civic Center Plaza
Mankato, MN 56001

The focus of my speech on Monday will be writing, myself (of course), the Princess Diaries books, and the Betsy-Tacy books (I’ve written the foreword to the new HarperCollins edition to Betsy Was a Junior and Betsy and Joe, my favorite books in the series).

I’m excited to be involved in the reissues of these classics, along with two of my favorite writers, Anna Quindlen and Laura Lippman (sadly, these reissues won’t be out until the Fall, though, so you won’t be able to buy the reissue with my forward there).

This is all dependent on if I GET to Minnesota. In the meantime, I’m being thwarted by Delta Airlines. Yes! I’m talking to YOU, Delta Airlines!

(Also, no, kid, you CANNOT have some of my almonds that I bought with my $7 meal voucher. Get away from me.)

Apparently, Delta schedules their flights, and accepts payment for them.

But they don’t actually SEND THE JETS TO PICK PEOPLE UP until they feel like it.

Never mind that because of this I completely missed my connecting flight (and was told my bag is going to arrive in Minnesota at one time and I am going to arrive in Minnesota at another time, but these will not be the same time.)

(Now the kids are fighting over their Gameboys and pulling each other’s hair. Keeping it classy here at Gate E10 at the Atlanta Airport.)

Oh, and that Delta’s sending that original plane so late was an “act of God” so not to expect a reimbursement on the difference in the cost of the seats since I paid for first class (because I’m fancy), but my seat on the new flight is coach.

(Now one of the kids is smearing pizza on the wall. I am not even kidding.)

You know what an “act of God” is? Daniel Craig.

Sending the plane you bought a ticket for three hours late is not an act of of God (especially when other planes for your destination were leaving during that time but no one would let you get on one).

(The woman sitting next to me just said, “If those kids don’t quit their fussin’, I’m gonna smack’em myself. Like we don’t have enough problems with our plane being late and our bags lost and these here seven dollar vouchers. Like you can buy a meal for seven dollars!”)

Amen, sister.

On the plus side, I’ll soon be fitting into those skinny jeans I bought last summer, but which have been giving me a little muffin top lately.

I suggest Ruby from the Style Network try flying Delta Airlines for the next stage of her diet plan.

See you tomorrow, Minnesota (hopefully)!

More later.

Much love,

Meg

Meg's Diary

Be Princessy

I totally forgot that, in addition to Harry Potter 6 opening today (I’ve got my tickets! I’ll be standing in line in a few hours…I’m feverish with anticipation!), today is the day of the big national Romance Writers of America conference (and literacy signing)!

So if you live in the Washington DC area, drop everything else you’ve got planned (Harry can wait…when else will you get an opportunity like this?) and go to the signing. You can click here to see which of your favorite women’s fiction, romance, paranormal/fantasy, YA, etc. authors will be there, just waiting to personally sign some books for you!

Even better, all the proceeds raised at this event will go to literacy.

So this is totally a worthy cause (you have to buy books at the signing. You can’t bring your own from home, because the point of the signing is to raise money for charity)!

How awesome is that? Basically every top women’s fiction writer in the industry will be at this signing….

…except those of us who are too busy working on our new books to go (I’m also heading out to Minnesota for a book signing this weekend, and for a different conference).

And if you don’t know what that conference is, well, then click here!

I love Betsy! (And, along with Anna Quindlen and mystery writer Laura Lippman, I’ve written the foreword to some new editions of her books coming out this Fall….)

Anyway, if you’re an author attending RWA this year, here’s my list of Author Do’s and Don’t’s for tonight’s Literacy Signing. Please, please, please, authors….don’t act like weirdos at RWA this year: Leave your spirit guides at home.

I have one addition to the Do’s and Don’ts List for Authors:

If you, your author friends, your agent, or your editor plan on saying some not very nice things about another author, DON’T do it in front of people like limo drivers, bartenders, waitresses, and hotel maids.

It’s a small world, and EVERYONE LOVES GOSSIP. Not just reading it on the Internet (although believe me, I get forwarded that stuff about me, too). Just because they’re in a uniform doesn’t mean they don’t have ears.

And sometimes, they’re fans of the author you’re putting down, or their kid is.

Those limo drivers, bartenders, waitresses, and hotel maids WILL tell the author what you said about them when they meet her later on…I know this from experience.

And yes, it did hurt my feelings a little, especially since I didn’t even know you.

So think before you speak, ladies. Let’s all try to act like princesses. It’s not just nice…it’s professional!

Okay, well, I gotta go now! Harry is waiting!

More later.

Much love,

Meg

Meg's Diary

Cake

I know, right? Everything is going wrong! Your hair looks terrible, you haven’t finished the chapter you have due, and you made the mistake of weighing yourself. And why is the tip of your nose always so red?

But don’t worry. At least you haven’t missed the latest episode of Read Our Lips. It’s still up, and it’s definitely the best and most useful segment yet: What to do if one of your guy friends asks you out!

Today I got dragged to Publix grocery store by the “guy friend” I ended up marrying (danger, girls! This can end up happening if you date friends)!

He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog loves Publix and goes there at least once a week (though to be fair, he goes to the smaller, independent, family-run grocery in our neighborhood at least once a day).

My favorite thing about Publix (besides everything) is their cake decorating department. They have a huge “cake bible” where you can stand while your husband is doing the horrible boring shopping. There you can pick out the cake you want for your next birthday party.

Seriously, it’s actually someone’s job to sit around and come up with different themed cakes to put into the cake bible at Publix. Think about this. What an awesome job! I’d like that job.

This isn’t actually as special now that there are shows like “Ace of Cakes.” But keep in mind this is just a chain grocery stores’ bakery department. It’s not a specialty shop. They really do claim they can make these cakes. I’ve never tried any (I’ve got a wheat intolerance thing going on so I couldn’t have any anyway) but I want to order one just to see if they could actually make them, because I’ll be honest: I have my doubts.

Here are some of my favorites:

This is the Disney Friend Signature Fairy Cake:

So you can throw up in multiple colors after eating it!

This is the Disney Princess Light Up cake:

It includes a “light” that goes under the skirt of the princess of your choice. Make sure you don’t eat the light (or the plastic skirt)!

Obviously, the Disney Princess Square Castle Super Sized Signature Cake is my favorite:

Someone better get me this cake someday (gluten-free, of course). Obviously, there are lot of pieces you could choke on if you were five or whatever. But I’m not, so who cares? And the best part is, afterwards, you’ll have Princess Ariel, Jasmine, Belle, Aurora, Snow White, and Cinderella figurines to treasure.

Or you could get a cake featuring Amy Adams from the movie “Enchanted.”

I wonder if Amy has ever gotten this cake herself. It would be weird to get a cake of yourself. Although you can do THAT at Publix, too, probably.

This cake is just called “Princess.”

It’s a boring cake. But on the plus side, you could wear the tiara after you’re done eating it, if you don’t mind having frosting in your hair.

This cake is called “Princess Pull-apart,” which is an interesting concept when you think about what happened to Marie Antoinette.

When I was a kid, I always wanted a cake like this:

It’s kind of gross though when you think about the fact that you’re eating a lady’s bottom half.

This is just called Bear Cake Basic:

This cake totally scares me. Can you imagine giving this to some kid? I’d start screaming if someone presented me with this cake and I was like 5 or whatever. This cake and clowns are both completely scary, and yet people persist in having both at kids’ parties.

If your friends got you this, I would advise finding new friends immediately:

Not funny at all. And what’s with the people not wearing clothes? PsYcHo.

And I seriously don’t think it’s OK to eat the symbol on which your savior was crucified:

I don’t even know what to say about this:

This is the kind of cake your dad would get you because he’s overcompensating out of guilt for never having been involved in your party before and one year your mom was like, “Let HIM take some responsibility and be in charge for once in his life!” and the people at Publix would convince him this was the hottest selling cake (but really it’s just the most expensive).

And he’d unveil it at your birthday party, and you’d feel so sorry for him for being so clueless as to think Spiderman is still cool you’d be like, “No, Dad, I love it. It’s really neat.”

But secretly you’d be embarrassed (but there’d be one kid at your party who never got a big cake who’d be like, “That’s the coolest cake EVER!” and then you’d feel a little better about it).

Okay, that cake above was sad. But this cake totally cheered me up!

I totally want a dinosaur cake with lava coming out of it.

This cake makes me even happier:

Soon they’ll have a Twilight cake but for now we have to settle for Johnny Depp:

But seriously, if I were going to have one of these cakes, it would have to be this one:

Yes! Now THAT is a cake!

(Ha, I’m kidding, I just can’t believe they have a monster truck cake).

Okay, I have to go now. For some reason I’m getting kind of hungry….

More later.

Much love,

Meg

Meg's Diary

Barracuda

So both Lauren Conrad and Miley Cyrus have written* books that are in the top ten on the New York Times Children’s bestseller list this week (Lauren’s is number one)!

When else has this ever happened, that two young actresses (or whatever those ladies are) were both on the children’s bestseller list at the same time?

(Besides Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, of course, who don’t count because they’re related.)

*And okay, I put “written” in quotes because there are rumors going around that both Lauren and Miley had help from professional writers in creating their novels. But this is pretty obvious, and they’ve both admitted as much. Here’s a clip of Lauren talking about it during Chelsea Handler’s very funny interview of her.

Anyway, I’m writing this with burnt hands. I did follow my own advice (on Twitter) and avoided playing with fireworks this weekend.

But then I went snorkeling and all my sunscreen washed off and I’m burnt in the weirdest places, like my knuckles and the backs of my knees (seriously, people at CVS were totally making fun of me while I was there buying Lanocaine earlier).

And while I was snorkeling, completely minding my own business, a three foot barracuda decided to swim up to me, and be all “Oh, HAI!”

Only I wasn’t scared at all because I thought it was a tarpon, so I was just all, “Oh, hello. Have you seen Nemo?”

Barracuda

Tarpon

Nemo

After the sunburn (and barracuda incident), I was completely incapacitated and had to lie in bed all day watching old episodes of “Intervention” and “Dance Your Ass Off,” which I think is “The New Biggest Loser” but I don’t know for sure because so far I’m the only person I know who watches it. I mean, I can’t dance at all, and the contestants on that show have major health problems, and yet some of them can do cartwheels and the splits.

It’s very inspiring. I’m totally going to stop eating so many M&Ms and even swim some laps as soon as the burning stops.

And yes, I did see “10 Things I Hate About You,” and I liked it. But “NYC Prep,” not so much. I’m trying to get into it, but there seems to be one boy so far on the whole show, and all those girls are into him, but he seems like the kind of guy who would find arm hair nasty, so I don’t know if this show is worth my precious TV time.

Which reminds me I meant to comment on this comment recently left on the Read Our Lips vlog Michele and I did on shaving vs. waxing:

Viewer Comment:

I started shaving in 4th grade (legs AND arms, weird as it sounds). I’ve had guys tell me they wished all girls shaved their arms, too, because ANY body hair on a girl is nasty.

I realize this is just a comment left on YouTube. And if your arm hair bothers YOU, by God, go ahead and shave it.

But something about this statement really bothers me. What is it, exactly…?

Oh, yeah, maybe it’s the fact that any guy who suggests that body hair on a girl is “nasty” is a useless tool. If a guy I was dating told me he thought body hair on a girl was nasty, I’d be all, “Really? Well, see this body here? You’re never gonna see it again. Good bye.”

I mean, seriously. If we stop breeding with these type of guys, they’ll go away. Spencer Pratt? Brody Jenner? They’ll disappear. We can do it, ladies, if we stick together and just stop rewarding them for their stupid behavior.

I guess I have to mention Michael Jackson’s funeral. I know it would have been tasteless for there to have been an open coffin two weeks after his death, but I’m still bummed about not getting to see him in the drum major uniform with the white glove that we were promised by the NY Post.

And of course, Brooke! Oh, Brooke. You are so awesome.

But the best part was when Janet hugged her niece Paris at the end, after Paris made her first and only “public statement” about her dad. I was totally:
“It’s Janet…Aunt Janet if you’re nasty!”

You really did get the feeling that if anyone tries to mess with those kids, they’ll have to go through Janet first. I hope that’s true. Janet is fierce. I think Janet is a barracuda. In a good way.

Okay, so I just have to say I was all excited because the CW is doing the Vampire Diaries as a TV series, and I got way into those books in the 90s (I won’t even mention my decades-long girl crush on Lois Duncan).

And so I went to LJ Smith’s website to see what she’s been up to lately, and then I saw her author photo:

That’s it. LJ Smith is brilliant, and that’s all there is to say.

More later.

Much love,

Meg