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Crisis Intervention

When your husband has a mystery illness (first the broken ankle, now the kidney stones…come on, all you amateur Camerons from House: get to work and figure out what he has!), plus you have multiple manuscripts to edit, you need a little something to take the edge off.

And obviously, we’ve seen on Intervention what drugs and alcohol can do to you. So those are out.

So what’s left?

And even though I’ve been freaking out a little ever since

A) I saw Amanda Seyfried naked on Big Love last Sunday night, and then

B) I heard Snooki and The Situation hooked up on the final episode of Jersey Shore

(the first was like seeing an angel, it was so unbearably beautiful and awe-inspiring. The second was like one of those crossover episodes of Scooby Doo where Josie and the Pussycats come on as special guest stars: it was just WRONG)

I don’t care what anyone says:

TV is my drug.

Although I agree with author Jen Weiner (who has a TV pilot in the running right now):

We need more lady centric shows!

For instance, watching everything Principal Tami Taylor is going through this season on Friday Night Lights really puts MY problems in perspective: Coach and Tami Taylor really are “the only living grown-ups on television” (according to New York Magazine).

Tami Taylor, wearing an expression a lot of you might recognize. I call it the: “Did he really just say that?” expression.

There aren’t a lot of working ladies portrayed on TV (who also wear clothes I could actually see myself in. Yeah, I just bought Tami’s boots—or at least some boots I think Tami might wear…These cowboy boots! They’re great! They were in Oprah Magazine) who aren’t hookers or “Real” Housewives or have jobs with initials in the title such as CSI, CTU, or SVU.

Tami Taylor may be the last one. She actually cares about academics, her kids, AND her husband (who seems like he would be hard to live with. If Coach Taylor ever got a kidney stone I would run far, far away).

And this season—I won’t put any spoilers here about what’s happening to Tami OR Coach on FNL, but trust me, it’s up there with The Wire as far as amazing TV—she’s really got her work cut out for her. I hope they don’t cut it when FNLcomes to NBC (it’s on DirecTV right now), because it’s a bit controversial…just like life.

But FNL isn’t the only lady-centric show I watch. There’s lighter stuff, too! Like Julia Louis-Dreyfuss as a single mom in love with her therapist (played by Will and Grace’s Eric McCormack) on The New Adventures of Old Christine.

I used to never watch this show because I thought it was just silly. But now I realize it’s silly with a message…like Wanda Sykes and Julia got married (long story), and then their “Curves”-like business almost got taken away from them because Corporate frowned on same-sex marriages. It was hilarious…but serious at the same time.

Wow. Who knew?

This is kind of like Amy Poehler’s Parks and Rec. This show is so funny (Chris Pratt, who is married to Anna Faris in real life, is so perfect in it, as are Aubrey Plaza as a slacker intern, and Nick Offerman as Amy’s boss. But …Aziz Ansari? My friend Beth gave me his stand-up DVD for my birthday–OH MY GOD. The bits with Harris, his cousin? I cried).

Every week Amy tries to “do good.” And is almost always thwarted (in a hilarious way). Genius.

All of these are completely my favorite shows now.

Oh, okay. I still watch Mercy, too. Those nurses are crazy! And as a friend pointed out, Emily Gilmore is guest-starring as an imperious blue blood heroin snorter.

And now James van der Beek is ALSO guest starring as a hot shot surgeon all the nurses want to punch in the face. Or make out with. They can’t decide.

(My friend Kady, who is a REAL nurse, says this show is just like real life…NOT).

(FYI, when I’m on airplanes and my seatmates ask what I do, I always say I’m Kady the ER nurse, and then I tell them the grossest story I’ve seen Mystery Diagnosis. And when they ask me about the mole on their finger—and they always do—I tell them it’s cancerous and they need to go the ER as soon as we land. STAT.)

You have to keep yourself entertained when times are tough, people. It’s true: Barney Stinson said so How I Met Your Mother.

And that guy’s awesome.

More later.

Much love,

Meg

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Keeper Shelf Monday

I know you still have money leftover from all those gift certificates you got for Christmas/Hanukkah.

Or maybe—like me—you have a winter birthday, and are going to be getting even MORE gift certificates soon (hint).

In any case, here’s a book that you’ll want to add to your keeper shelf (in between the Agatha Christies, the Chick Lits, and the paranormals, because it’s a little bit of all three):

Dream Life by Lauren Mechling

(I know, pretty cover, right?)

From Booklist:

Picking up where Dream Girl (2008) left off, Claire is learning to command her ability to see into the future through her dreams. In addition to figuring out how to decipher her psychic gift, Claire is secretly dating her best friend Becca’s brother. Turns out that Becca belongs to a secret society of do-good teen philanthropists whose mission is to spruce up the city anonymously–but someone is out to expose the group, and it’s up to Claire to thwart the plot. Teen girls looking for a light read with elements of mystery, adventure, romance, and life in high society will appreciate this satisfying stand-alone sequel.

(Dream Life is the follow up to Dream Girl, out in paperback now. But you don’t need to have read Dream Girl to enjoy Dream Life!)

I was lucky enough to receive an email from Claire Voyant herself (I know!). Claire is actually trying her hand at writing an advice column! The questions come from fans of the Claire Voyant series. The answers come from Claire’s heart. Claire warns that she doesn’t have a degree in psychotherapy—so use at your own risk!

Dear Claire,

I’m going on a date next week and I’m totally excited except for one thing: I don’t know what to order. I can be a messy eater (okay, a really messy eater) and I would die if the guy got the impression I am as disgusting as. . . well, as me. But I also don’t want to just order a dry bagel and make him worry I’m on some Gwyneth Paltrow detox diet.

What to do?!

Sincerely,
Karlyn Who Wants To Strike The Right Balance Between Lady And Pig, San Diego

Dear KWWTSTRBBLAP,

Wow. You really are between a rock and a hard place. (Or should I say an arugula leaf and a spaghetti sauce beard?)

You definitely don’t want to order like some ninny who’s terrified of dinner. And you don’t want to waste the whole date worrying about what’s dribbling down your chin either.

But lo! This is precisely what sandwiches were invented for. And lucky for you, sandwiches are no longer the stuff of 4th grade lunchboxes and McDonald’s visits. All sorts of fun restaurants are serving cool variations on the sandwich, like the Cuban, Vietnamese, or, my favorite, the kati roll (it’s a burrito filled with Indian food).

The magic thing about bread is it keeps everything in place. One last note: I’d lay off the ketchup. Hard, but totally worth it.

Bon appetit!

Claire

Here’s the awesome book trailer to Dream Life. I’m a little addicted to the music in it:

Dream Life by Lauren Mechling -- Trailer from Richie Williams on Vimeo.

I can’t wait to read this book!

It seems like lots of people, from Claire in Dream Girl to real life authors, are solving mysteries and fighting crime! I just read about this in Jennifer Weiner’s blog!

Wow. I myself have never stopped a robbery—although I’ve helped catch a couple of perps!

That’s because I’ve been inside houses while they were being broken into. Rather than taking the robbers out myself, however, my first instinct was to hide.

I find closets work well as a last resort. So does simply leaving the house (if you can do so safely). In both cases, the police caught the gentlemen involved (one got tasered right in front of me)!

Once, I even got to go to a line up. Just like on Law and Order!

And I picked the right guy. He confessed, but kept saying, “No way could there be a witness. There was no one in that house.”

That is what an awesome hider I am.

Since his own grandmother later testified against him, and he turned out to have a history of violence, the police officer told me it was a REALLY good thing I hid.

So: Although kicking butt like Katherine Dunn is amazing, if your first instinct is to run and hide, FOLLOW IT. Because that’s OK, too. And it could save your life.

Now, let’s look at that Dream Life cover again, shall we?

Hmmmm. Pretty.

More later.

Much love,

Meg

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What It’s Not Too Late To Get People:

I know. This is the time when I should be telling you to get people books this holiday season.

But you already know this, of course!

And if you read this blog regularly, you’ve already bought all the books I’ve recommended throughout the year, and wrapped them up to give to others.

So now I’m going to recommend that you get everyone (in addition to books) something I know they’ll love:

A magazine subscription!

There is NOTHING I love more than magazines. Well, besides books. And food.

My greatest fear right now is that with advertising sales down, my favorite magazines might cease to exist (at least in glossy paper form, like Gourmet Magazine), and only be available online.

So then how will I read them in the bathtub, my favorite activity?

To help keep this from happening, I’m asking everyone to give at least one subscription to a friend or relative this year. Magazine subscriptions are cheap AND easy to give.

Here are a few websites where you can find and subscribe to just about any kind of magazine you could ever dream of! And trust me, there are many, many more….

But to narrow it down a little, here in no particular order are just some of the magazines I read every month, or that I think would make a good gift for someone you know. Check them out, and give!

For her:

Does she love writing, crafting, and feminism?—Give her Bust or B*tch

Is she stylish?—Give her Elle (I love Ask E. Jean, whom I met because we both have lyme disease!) or Allure.

Is she a shopaholic?—Give her Lucky or In Style

Does she love do-gooding, but also makeup, dating, and clothes?—Give her Glamour or Marie Claire (Find out about rare diseases! How volunteers in Africa are helping women change their lives by teaching them to make and sell their own soap! AND how no one really looks good in khaki.)

Does she love reading about people who are richer than she is?—Give her Vogue or Harper’s Bazaar (I love reading about people who are richer than I am.)

Is she your homegirl? Give her Essence

Is she 12 or under?—Give her Ranger Rick, Highlights, Puffin, or the always adorable New Moon.

Is she having her quinceanera? Give her Quinceanera Magazine or Quince Girl (Shut up, yes, I have read these magazines. It was a long layover.)

Is she 12 or up (the age of the average subscriber to TeenVogue is actually 27)?—Give her TeenVogue or Seventeen.

Is she over 40 (like Julia! Sandra! Oprah! Jennifer!) or worried about her neck? Tell not to worry any More.

Does she care about eating right, exercise, health, and fitness?— Give her Women’s Health, Runners World, or Yoga Journal

Is she on a journey of self-discovery? Something in this magazine makes me cry every month!— O, Oprah’s Magazine

Now I know you’re all, “But what about the guys, Meg?”

Covered:

What does he like?

Fashion/Style/Entertainment? Give him Details or Maxim

Adventure? He’ll love Outside

Cars?—Give him Sportscar and Auto Market or Car and Driver (a bit fancy, but you want him to trade up, right?)

Psychoanalyzing you?—He needs Psychology Today.

Is he a brainiac?—Give him Mental Floss

A technology junky? He must have Wired

Can he not live without his stereo?—He needs Stereophile

Sports?—Give him Sports Illustrated or ESPN Insider

Science and nature? National Geographic or Scientific American

Music?—Every music lover needs: Rolling Stone or Spin or Blender or Vibe (or all four)

(Obviously, any of the above magazines would work for BOTH sexes! Well, except maybe Maxim. But I’ve read it myself and been plenty entertained.)

Is he (or she) starting his (or her) own company, or an entrepreneur?—Give Inc., Fast Company, Forbes

Can you not pry him (or her) from his/her joy stick?—EGM(No. 1 Videogame Magazine) is a must!

Is he (or she) gay? Give him or her The Advocate or Out Magazine

Mmmm, Neil Patrick Harris, dreamy….

What about….

The cooks in your life?—They’ll love Bon Apetit or Cook’s Illustrated (He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Blog gets both of these as gifts from my mother. He used to get Gourmet…sob!).

People who love home décor or design?—Give them Dwell, Martha Stewart or Elle Décor or the gorgeous Architectural Digest.

There are even magazines for your friends/family members who are always ranting about the zombies and how we’re all doomed!

Feed their paranoia with Harpers, The Nation, or Mother Jones (although they probably already get them, which is how they know we’re doomed).

And for people like me who don’t care that we’re all doomed, and just want to gossip about Tiger, here are my faves: Us Weekly or People Magazine.

Entertainment/media types love New York Magazine (or the less insidery Entertainment Weekly.)

And for all those book lovers you know who enjoy saying things like, “Oh, yeah, I already know all about that HBO bio-pic starring Claire Danes as Temple Grandin, the autistic lady who invented the cow-hugging machine for the meat industry, because I read the article about her by Oliver Sacks in The New Yorker ten years ago. That is how in-the-know I am.”— The New Yorker

Claire Danes as Temple Grandin.

Phew!

Okay, if you can’t find something for the person you’re shopping for from the above list, or from here, then he or she doesn’t deserve anything because he or she is boring.

Now I have to go….

…relax with a delicious magazine.

More later.

Much love,

Meg

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Your Holiday Helper

Happy Black Friday, the busiest shopping day of the year!

Thanksgiving is nice and all—for those of you who went home for the holidays, here’s one of my favorite Liz Phair songs to cheer you up. See? It’s not just you—but let’s face it:

It’s really all about the shopping the day after.

See, retailers know you need an excuse to get out of the house and away from your loving family for a few hours of R & R: retail therapy and recovery.

So now is when they bring out the really good stuff they’ve been saving all year.

Such as my holiday favorite:

Personally, I’m going to kill myself if I don’t find this pencil dress from D&G in my size somewhere.

Except it isn’t available in my size anymore anywhere.

Also, it’s obscenely expensive and probably not worth it.

(Except it is! It is!)

Although it’s not quite the same thing, I tried on this dress today at Banana Republic, and for only $152.00 (compared to the dress above), it was quite cute:

It also comes in red:

Not bad!

And both these dresses would look super chic with any of these adorable “statement” necklaces at BR.

Of course, we should be thinking about shopping for others now. ‘Tis the season, blah blah blah.

Perhaps you know someone who loves board games and would adore the Game of Clue in 3-D. Who wouldn’t?

Maybe you know a Trekkie who has been longing for a realistic communicator.

Or maybe you know someone artsy who used up all her colored pencils (I know I have).

Or maybe she used up all the ones she uses on her eyelids (mine are also running dangerously low).

(No idea who would want red or yellow eyelids, but whatever.)

I personally would love ALL of these things. Even the communicator. So:

Done, and done.

Now it’s time to relax with another turkey sandwich. Good job, everyone!

But remember when you get home from the mall not to look at Uncle Alvarez.

More later.

Much love.

Meg