Officer Friendly Speaks Out on Paris Hilton Case

June 9th, 2007

Confused by the recent events in the Paris Hilton case, I turned to my brother–soon to be a sergeant on a Colorado city police force–for clarification.

Me:
Matt, do you think they are treating Paris Hilton unfairly—penalizing her, even—and making an example out of her, just because she is a celebrity, by making her serve a longer period of time than they would have if she’d been a normal citizen?

Officer Friendly:
Actually, most people serve out the full sentence that the judge rules on. You’ve got to remember, Paris was drinking and driving—a very serious and dangerous crime. Then she violated the conditions of her probation for that crime. The fact is, no matter who you are, when you do the crime, you gotta do the time.

Me:
But she says she’s sick. She’s having a nervous breakdown in jail.

Officer Friendly:
So? Jail isn’t supposed to be fun. That’s why they call it JAIL and not SUPER FUN TIME PARK. When someone is in jail and they are having a nervous breakdown, here is how it SHOULD be handled….

Paris:
“Jailer, I’m having a nervous breakdown, I need to go home”

Jailer:
“I’m sorry. Here is a bologna sandwich.”

Paris:
“Boo-hoo-hoo, I don’t eat carbs or nitrates.”

Jailer:
“Maybe this will make you think next time before you drink and drive. Here is another bologna sandwich.”

Paris:
“Do you have any mayonnaise?”

Jailer:
“Why, yes, I do. Here you go.”

Paris:
“Thank you.”

So there you have it, straight from Officer Friendly’s mouth.

Do the crime, do the time!

Help, help, let me out of here!

The End

Starring: Henrietta in the role of Paris

No animals were harmed in the filming of this blog.

More later.

Much love,

Meg