Secret/Shmecret

February 19th, 2007

Talk about a wild weekend.

As if it wasn’t enough Key West was beset upon by gale force winds and unseasonably low temperatures (well, okay–in the 50s—but still!), there was Britney’s bald breakdown; the Newberry award winner is being banned for mentioning a “bad’ word; Oprah’s big “Secret” isn’t that new, or even a real secret; and, most importantly, Janey had her baby!

–First things first: Janey, the webmistress of this site, gave birth to a healthy baby girl on Friday, February 16. Her name is Matilda Olivia (Korean name Mi Ryung), and she weighed 6 lbs, 9 oz, and is 20 inches long. Congratulations to Janey and her family!

Julie (not MY assistant Julie, who is due NEXT month, but the OTHER, non-pregnant Julie) will be in charge of this site and the message boards in Janey’s absence.

Welcome Baby Matilda (such an awesome name)!

And yippee! Another Aquarius!

–In case you haven’t heard, “The Higher Power of Lucky” by Susan Patron, this year’s Newberry award winner, the most prestigious prize offered in children’s literature, is being banned in some schools and libraries for mentioning the anatomically correct word for a body part half the human population owns (and in the book, the body part in question belongs to a dog).

This reminds me of a town here in South Florida that had to change the name of play they were putting on to THE HOOHA MONOLOGUES because some parents complained when their kid saw the original wording on the theater marquee and asked what it meant. Which was REALLY sad because the kid in question was a girl who actually OWNED the body part but didn’t know what it was really called. Nice parenting.

Moving on…

–By now I’m sure you’ve all seen/heard about Britney’s new bald makeover. Frankly, I’m proud of her. This is the most—actually first–really rock ‘n roll thing Britney’s ever done in her life.

And okay, yeah, she needs to get herself and her babies on a plane back to Louisiana, hunker down at her mom’s house, not date, not drink, eat home-cookin’, watch Judge Judy, and just CHILL for a couple of years.

But I’m LOVIN’ the new do. Seriously (which is not to say we should all rush out and do it. But on her I could see it working).

–Okay, so I just happened to turn on the TV on Friday just as Oprah announced she was going to reveal The Secret we’ve all been waiting to hear.

Naturally I ran downstairs to where the Big TV is, grabbed some cheese popcorn and a water (because soda is now verboten to me), and got all ready.

So you can imagine my disappointment when the Big Secret turned out not to have anything to do with what I thought it had to do with, but was just a book called The Secret.

If you have already read and loved The Secret please do not read further. Go forth and enjoy your newfound lease on life.

If you have not yet read The Secret, I will now reveal The Secret here for you (and I am not worried about robbing the creators of The Secret of their money, because the book is #1 on every bestseller list there is right now. And frankly, I have a better idea for what you can do with your $23.95–or $29.95 if you prefer the DVD–which I will point out at the end of this entry).

Here is The Secret:

–Figure out what you want in life.

–Set specific positive goals to achieve these things, while having the self confidence to believe you can and will attain these things.

–If a setback occurs, keep trying.

I am sorry, but this is not a secret. I already knew all this stuff, and have, in fact, been executing this strategy for most of my adult life. Hasn’t everybody who is not, oh, I don’t know, BRITNEY SPEARS?

But back to the book.

There is a lot of other stuff about the power of the mind in The Secret (or “the law of attraction,” as in, we attract whatever we want and/or deserve to ourselves with the power of our minds. Um, yeah. Because the people of Darfur so deserve what’s happening to them), the most controversial of which is its claim that positive thinking has the power to heal.

Except that I have read numerous, highly scientific studies that show that pessimistic people, because we (yes—I consider myself a snarky pessimist) tend to have realistic expectations, do just as well, if not better, in medical situations (and life in general), as optimists.

So this would tend to debunk this part, at least, of The Secret.

So if you’re sick, go ahead and feel sorry for yourself. Studies—real, scientific studies–show self-pity will not effect your recovery one iota. And if you’re like me, it may even make you feel better (especially if you sigh despairingly and demand that your loved ones go out in the middle of the night to get you ice cream to speed your recovery).

Look, it’s ALWAYS good to visualize success, set goals, and work towards them. But studies show it’s also good to mentally rehearse what you’ll do in case of failure, and to have a back up plan.

And just in case the creators of The Secret are right, and what you send out into the universe IS what you’re going to get back, I sent my $23.95 (well, maybe a little more) here instead of purchasing a copy of their book. I suggest you do the same, just to be on the safe side.

And Britney, if you’re reading this: You look great. Now go home to Mom, and stay there.

More later.

Much love,

Meg