MYSTERY SOLVED/MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY CAN BEAT MY BONGOES ANY TIMESeptember 8th, 2005
UPDATED: SEE POSTSCRIPT (AND BELOW)
The mystery of the locust killer is solved. It is solved because the culprit was spied with ANOTHER locust in her mouth. That culprit is:
Yes. It was Gem, aka Tom, aka Slutty. She is quite the hunter. This is especially surprising considering the fact that she is currently being treated for mange (a side-effect of her refusal to come indoors).
While Gem technically does belong to the nice people down the street and not to us, she has pretty much taken up residency on our porch, so, in the spirit of Key West cat-sympathy, we took Gem to the vet when we saw she was developing weird bald spots, since we didn't want the rest of the neighborhood cats to catch whatever she had.
Now Gem gets a nice mange shot every ten days, and the bald spots are improving dramatically.
I thought I'd show a picture to contrast the one above, which was taken pre-Katrina. This is what that same porch looked like after Katrina brushed us, when she was still only a Category One:
So you can imagine what Katrina must have been like as a Category 4!
Anyway, living, as I do, in an area where hurricanes hit a lot, I've been asked by a lot of people, “When are you moving back to New York full time?”
The first time someone asked me this, I was like, “What? Why would I move back to New York full time?”
“Well, because of the hurricanes. Aren't you scared, after what Katrina did to the Gulf states?”
Hurricanes ARE awful, and you'd have to be a dope not to be afraid of them, but they only happen a few months out of the year. The rest of the time, Key West is super beautiful—in fact, it is even beautiful BETWEEN hurricanes.
So the answer is, no, I am not moving back to New York (at least, not full time). I mean, seeing as how I live in a state of which the current president's brother is governor, I am confident I will not be left without food and water for five days or longer.
But even if I am, I don't have to worry, because MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY will rescue me.
Yes, the rumor appears to be true: Matthew brought boats to the hospital where a doctor was supposedly holed up with over seventy pets belonging to evacuees, having promised to care for them. Matthew took it upon himself to rescue the doctor AND all the pets. Check it out here (it was also on ACCESS HOLLYWOOD or one of those shows, but I missed it).
If this is a true story, I have to say it makes me love Matthew more than I already did for the movie EDTV and the famous bongo story.
But it does make one ask oneself: If I am stranded due to a hurricane, will I REALLY have to depend on a movie star to come save me?
I find this thought extremely unsettling, especially having seen the movie SUPERNOVA starring Luke Perry the other night on the Hallmark Channel. That was the worst made-for-TV disaster movie EVER, given that it was trying to be two made-for-TV movies at once, since “brilliant astrophysicist” Luke Perry's wife ALSO just happened to be the sole witness of some murder and the murderer was trying to kill her. IN ADDITION to which, the sun was exploding. That is just too many plots in one movie, if you ask me.
Based on his decision to star in this movie, I just don't know if Luke Perry would be smart enough to come rescue me.
Also, it's official: I can't watch RESCUE ME anymore, since they killed a kid. Meg's Law: Kid dies, show over.
Fortunately I have the new season of THE OC starting up tonight, along with GILMORE GIRLS next week, and I'm still loving Kathy Griffin's reality show. So it's all good.
A lot of you have been asking how you can help Katrina victims if you, unlike Matthew McConaughey, don't have access to boats or a lot of cash. It's easy! You can help by following one or all of the 3 Gs below:
GIVE BLOOD–Yes, I know it may not go directly to a victim of Katrina, but it will help fill the blood banks emptied by donations that DID go to hurricane victims. I guarantee that giving blood does not hurt, and that afterwards, they give you cookies, or even Crunch n Munch, which is what I had the other day when I gave blood at my local blood mobile.
GET INVOLVED—Start asking questions of your local government. What is THEIR plan in the event of this kind of disaster (levee breaking, earthquake, tornado, terrorist attack, nuclear spill, hurricane, tsunami, supernova)? Do they even have one? And find out if your local shelters take pets. If they don't, lobby officials to get them to. If people know they have a safe place to go with their family members–which includes pets!!!–they are more likely to evacuate. This a big reason why so many people did not evacuate in advance of Katrina. Additionally, lots of kids are having school bake sales and car washes to help raise money for the Red Cross. You can, too!
GRAB A BOX–And fill it with items in your closet or room that you don't use anymore. Then donate those items to your local charity thrift shop. No, the items won't go to help Katrina victims…but the money collected from those items will.
And, obviously, if you DO have money, donate it. You know where to go by now!
P.S. Oh, yeah, I almost forgot: While I will still be attending the Book Festival in Washington DC on September 24, I will no longer be going to the White House to dine with the Bushes that day—and NOT because they disinvited me after reading READY OR NOT.
THIS JUST IN—YES!!!! They found Snowball!!! SNOWBALL IS ALIVE!!!
Added later—For everyone asking, I actually turned down my invitation to the White House, even though, as you all know, I was dying to go in order to see if I got the White House stuff in All American Girl right. I turned it down because it's obvious in light of the current crisis in the Gulf states that the President needs to spend more time in his office and less time socializing, so I am trying to encourage him to do that by boycotting my scheduled breakfast with him. I hope other authors will do the same. I'm sure those affected by Katrina would appreciate it.
Added even later (phew, my fingers are tired from all this typing)–The auction is now up and running! Go here to bid on autographed copies of my books as well as advanced reader copies to aid Katrina victims! Bid often and bid high!